The Value of Life: 2010

Recipe for Success (Apr 25, 2010)

Posted in Labels: Eastern Times Weekly Column

Like many others, I have spent time thinking about factors that lead some people to be very successful in life and which of these factors are within one’s control. Successful people might be intelligent or they may be socially well connected or they may have good upbringings. They may be naturally energetic, open-minded and positive.

In my article last week, I quoted what Lion Sim Boon Chuan, the Immediate Past District Governor of Lions International of District 308-A2 once said in his speech at a Lions function, he said, “if a person has Accepted anything like study, career, religion, social and charity club or organization, Believe in what one has accepted, Committed to one’s believed dream, goal and belief, one will succeed in life. I believe that the “ABC” is a good set of recipe for success.” A is for Accept, B for Believe and C for Commit.

In life, everybody can lead a successful life; we have the opportunity every day to decide how we want to spend our time. We can make conscious choices to create the life we dream of. Every new day is a day for us to renew, revitalize, and restart any aspect of our career and life. All we have to do is changing our thinking and our way of doing things. Like cooking, if we have good recipes to follow, we will be able to cook delicious dishes.

The ingredients are as follows:

A - ACCEPT the task, challenge or work with positive attitude. Having a good attitude is the single most important key to success in anything. One of my favorite quotes is "Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it." We have to think like a winner to be a winner. This is because our attitude towards what we accept has profound and significant effects on things that we pursue.

Have you met someone with a bad attitude? Someone who constantly focuses on the 'problems' and poisons conversations with his or her negativity? Do you enjoy being around him or her? Do such people really go far in life? I believe life is what we make out of it. We create our own reality. Therefore we must learn to focus on the good things; focus on adding value; focus on creating success for ourselves and that is exactly what will happen.

B - BELIEVE in the challenge that we have accepted. Believe in ourselves and become our own biggest fan. In life, others see you as you see yourself. When we believe in ourselves and confidently express our unique "I" in the world, we can be sure that success is virtually guaranteed.

The people who do well in this world are great self-promoters. Think about the ways that successful individuals brand themselves. Donald Trump's brand is associated with luxury. Rachel Ray focuses on enjoying herself and savoring food while sharing her recipes (her LOVE) with the world. When we believe in what we do and when it is a reflection of 'who we are' inside, we become a magnet to attract exciting opportunities... and that makes us successful.

C- COMMIT to doing the best at what we do. The most successful among us are those who do what others cannot or would not do. They find that one trait about themselves: the intense passion burning within them which makes them commit to do their best to achieve excellence. There is only one Oprah Winfrey, or George Carlin, or Michael Jordan. These people EXCEL at what they do because of their commitment.

When we are excellent at what we do, we become indispensable until we stop believing it. Commitment to excellence breeds success and success comes while we are aspiring for the number one spot. Commitment is of utmost importance; we have to commit to what we do and commit ourselves 100% to it. That takes strength and determination.

I believe the “dishes” we cook will become tastier and the aroma will last longer if we add in 2 important ingredients: Sacrifice and Perseverance. As Charles O. Finley says, “Sweat plus sacrifice equals success.” We sweat when we persevere and continue to work hard. We sacrifice our time, money and forgo instant gratification. We have to sacrifice a lot of our “free time”. We will have to decline unnecessary invitations and avoid distractions. However, the good news is that if we are doing what we are good at and what we love, it would not feel like a sacrifice. We will happily forgo short-term gratification for long-tem gains.

There is a quote that says, “When the world says "Give up," Hope whispers "Try it one more time”." we have to keep on trying. Success comes to the last man or woman standing. Most people never become successful because they simply do not try hard enough. Whatever we do, we must not give up instead we must persevere. It seems it is much easier to give up when we have bills due or when no one else believes in you. Albert Einstein says, “It is not that I am so smart; it is just that I stay with problems longer.” That is precisely the moment when we should buckle down and work harder. If we give up, we surely fail... but if we keep on going, pushing ourselves past over our limits, we will ultimately taste success. It just works out that way. Remember that if we are being our best self and expressing our unique "I", we have much better chances to succeed in life’

We must realize that success comes to those who accept their challenges with positive attitude, believe in themselves, commit to what they are doing, and make sacrifice, persevere and work their tails off.

IF we already have and using the recipe, we must always remind ourselves, when we done well, we should set our sights on doing even better. If we have successfully reached high, reach even higher. Keep reminding ourselves; make it our goal to exceed our own best efforts. One of the very best things about success is that it serves as the basis for greater success. Do not let our success go to waste by simply sitting on it. Find a way to top ourselves. Believe in ourselves we have done great so far, and now we can do even better.

Esther Law is a director, consultant, trainer, Past Division Governor of Toastmasters International, President for Lions Club of Kuching Host (2009-2010). Esther is also the Overseas Director of Fuda Cancer Hospital, Guangzhou, China. If you have any comments about this article you can contact her at lawleepoh@gmail.com

Live life through H.E.A.R.T! T=Touched (Mac 28, 2010)

Posted in Labels: Eastern Times Weekly Column

After exploring the R = Reach out, we shall move on to T = Touched. Touched is an emotion, an experience and a feeling of being very grateful for something kind that someone has done. It is a gentle feeling. Caress is its symbol. It arises almost inevitably by something kind done to us by someone. It is a person-to-person emotion. It signifies love, happiness, joy, awe and reverence. When we are touched by someone, we are grateful and moved by their kindness.

Have you ever asked yourselves whether you would love to create a lifetime memory? Do you desire to do something that is priceless for someone whom you love? I believe we can achieve this objective by doing something which is special and comforting to someone whom we love and close to. I believe that before we can inspire with emotion, we must be swamped with it ourselves; before we can move others to tears, our own tears must flow first.

In life, “touched” or “moved” is important. It is a feeling which connects with our inner soul. There have been many times in my life when I have been blessed by acts of kindness, compassion and extreme thoughtfulness. Whether it is a meaningful gift, kind words or acts we receive, they touch our lives and our hearts so deeply that life, as we know it, is never the same again.

To all those who have touched me in a positive way, I am very thankful indeed. Often they appear right at moments of grief or despair; along they come, like a whirlwind of energy catching me in the vortex and sucking me into their centre in the nick of time.

I can never forget a phone call from Wei Ling, a staff of mine. She called and told me: “Madam, it is raining outside, remember to bring along the umbrella in the store room. Please do not get wet in the rain.” I was deeply touched by her kind gesture. I feel so loved by her.

She has always been so gentle and kind to me all these while. She works with me for nearly seven years. She always makes me feel so good and secured. I am touched by her sincere gestures and expressions of love and care for me, which I will forever remember and cherish. These kind gestures and expressions come out from her heart. I have been motivated to become a better and more understanding boss. This feeling will remain in my heart forever.

There are many friends who have touched me. I always feel warm whenever I recall those who have gone all the way to tell me how much I mean to them. I can never forget my good friend Wenderine. She is a person who always touches my heart with her kind words. When I am down, she is the person who stands beside me supporting me; when I am in tears, she is the friend who cheers me up; when I am overflowing with joy for my achievements, she is the one who is always there to give applauses for my success. I am deeply touched by her.

Remember and appreciate all the words of encouragement, kind acts, love and care others have given us; they shows that there are many people out there who listen and care for you deeply; these words of encouragement, kind acts appear at the perfect moment when you need them the most and make all the difference in your life. I treasure and keep them in my heart forever.

It is really heartening when someone whom you have not met before to come and tell you how the words or something which you had said have caused a positive impact in their life. These words may be something you considered rather small or insignificant when you said them but which are very meaningful to them. Without their knowledge, I also benefit from their sharing; it has also created a positive impact on me; it makes me a better person. I am very touched by what they share and I am motivated to work even harder to be a source of inspiration for others and to touch their hearts. To make somebody touched is a good deed as it motivates people to become better persons.

We have explored all the five letters in the acronym “H.E.A.R.T.” However, I would like to add an “S” to it so that it becomes “H.E.A.R.T.S.” Life would be much more wonderful if it could be uplifted by more hearts. This final letter “S” stands for “Sincerity”. I shall share more on “sincerity” in my next Sunday column.

Live life through H.E.A.R.T! R = Reach out (Mac 21, 2010)

Posted in Labels: Eastern Times Weekly Column

After exploring the A=Appreciation, we shall move on to R = Reach out. The phase Reach out carries different meanings to different individuals. It can mean move forward or upward in order to touch. Reach out can mean reach outward in space; it may also mean attempt to communicate. My definition for reach up is to support, to volunteer self, to lend helping hands in order to make a difference in a person’s life. Reach out also means service above self.

When I was young, I always asked myself: “What is my purpose in life?” and the answer I gathered was always “To reach out and to serve”. At the age of twelve, I started to ponder in what way and in which area I could reach out and serve the most. I asked my dad: “Papa, what is the meaning of reach out? Does it means caring for others? How can we reach out?” Papa replied, “Give when people need it. Share when people want it.” He continued, “If you light a lamp for somebody, it will also brighten your path.”

Papa told me that we all had a way in which we could reach out to others. When we reach out to others and offer them comfort we will discover a wonderful thing- the feelings of joy and peace that nothing can compare. Nothing else can give the peace and joy that you will experience when you help others, support them, care for them, pray for them, and reach out to them and offering the comfort that they need.

I always remember how my papa sacrificed his time to serve the local community; I saw him giving money or goods to needy people when they came to my house to ask for help; I witnessed how papa help a man who knocked on our door seeking for help one late night. The man was Pak Rahman. He asked my papa to help him as his son was terribly ill at home. My papa responded instantly and went out with Pak Rahman to his house. I remembered that it was mid night. I was quite worried and did not sleep, waiting for my papa to come home.

By the time when he reached home, it was almost seven o’clock in the morning. I saw papa come home with a cheerful face. I asked him: “Papa, are you not tired? You have been out for the whole night.” “Who is that old man and how is his son?” “Why he came to look for you?” I asked incessantly. Papa replied, “I do not really know him well. Anyway, he came to seek our assistance; his son was sick at home and he had no money to buy medicine. He wanted to borrow money from us to buy medicine for his son.”

I asked papa, “Why did you lend him money? What if he does not return to you?” My papa said, “Being able to give and help people is a blessing. We are blessed as we have extra money to help others. There are many people who cannot give because they are less fortunate than we are. If our money can help Pak Rahman to save his son, the money is of great value; we save a life.”

I treasured my papa’s words in my heart - “Being able to give, help and reach out to the less fortunate is a blessing.” Papa told me that we needed not to wait until we were rich to help the poor; they are many ways we can reach out to people. A kind thought and a caring gesture are also ways to help people. Words of encouragement and a sincere sharing of life experience are also ways to reach out to those in need.

When I grew older, I began to see my social responsibilities. When I began to have the ability to contribute, I began to understand the meaning of reaching out better. I recall what Ralph Waldo Emerson has said: If you would lift me up you must be on higher ground. The purpose of life, after all, is to live it, to taste and to experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly fearlessly for newer and richer experiences. By reaching out to others, we are reaching out to our own life destiny. When we help and reach out to those who are in need of help, we are also helping ourselves to grow.

I believe that helping people can be in the form of advice, sharing and guidance. It need not have to be in monetary form. I began doing voluntary work in my community when I was 13 years old together with my late father. Twenty five years later, I still find it an honor and privilege to help others. Currently, as a member of the Fuda Cancer Caring Group, I learn to serve cancer patients by providing them the comfort through advice and heart-to-heart talk. In these six years of serving cancer patients, I become more matured in managing my life. I see life as a meaningful journey.

A friend of mine, Wong Xian Feng from Zheng Zhou in Henan province, China told me, he would like to adopt orphans. He works in foster homes and always wants to be a foster father of homeless children. “There are many homeless children after the devastating earthquake in Si Chuan. I would like to reach out and help them to lead a normal and secure life.” he said. I was greatly touched and inspired by his love for homeless children. I get to understand more about the meaning of Reach Out; it means service above self.

I believe all of us have the ability and blessings in providing a hand to hold and a shoulder to lean on. Let us reach out to as many individuals as we can while we still have the ability and time to do so. As long as we have the HEART to help, to serve and to reach out, let us reach out as far and as wide as we can. I believe, alone we cannot change the world but we can bring hope to others and gain unlimited joy in return. I like to quote a Chinese proverb, “If you want happiness for an hour, take a nap. If you want happiness for a day, go fishing. If you want happiness for a year, inherit a fortune. If you want happiness for a lifetime, reach out and help somebody.”

I shall introduce the letter T in the acronym of H.E.A.R.T next week. It stands for “Touch”. Let us explore together the word “Touch” in my next Sunday Column.

Live life with H.E.A.R.T! A=Appreciation (Mac 14, 2010)

Posted in Labels: Eastern Times Weekly Column

After exploring the E= Encouragement, we shall move on to A=Appreciation. My understanding towards appreciation is simple. To me, appreciation is a simple gesture. It does not take much time and efforts to appreciate others. The key is to make it a way of living, not merely as a tool to pull out when it seems convenient. Next, communicate it in a way that it is heard.

I always feel that to appreciate, we do not have to wait until everything is done or completed. To appreciate, we need not have to wait until we get it all perfect or to wait until people have done things exactly as we had wanted them to. We can start appreciating life, appreciating others and ourselves exactly as we are, right now.

I believe that, when our hearts are truly thankful, it will come out of our mouth and be evident in our words and in our lives. We will not find fault, instead, we will find something to praise. We will not complain, but rather, we will rejoice.

With an appreciative and thankful heart, we will not focus on what is lacking; we will be filled with all that is good. We will not be resentful because we feel cheated; we will cherish and acknowledge how much we are blessed. The way we live, our attitude and our perspective are communicating something to others at all time.

Perhaps it is good to think and ponder on the relationship that we are in. Do we recall that our partner or friends are always there for us when we need advice and guidance? Do you recall all the wonderful memories we have shared over the years? As for me, I have a few close friends who are always by my side, be it moment of happiness or sorrow. I appreciate what they have done for me. One of them is my very loving godmother, Grace Yong. She is the principal of a tuition centre in Kuching. We have known each other for nearly six years. I always receive her encouraging messages through sms, cards and conversation. She is so kind in providing me the comfort. When I am sick, she will boil herbal tea and send it to my office. To make it hassle free, she even brings along a paper cup. I am always touched by her kind and genuine gesture of love and care. I love her for who she is. I would like to take this opportunity to thank her, thanks for her kindness and thoughtfulness. Her messages warm my heart whenever I travel abroad. I wish to thank her for everything that she has done for me.

Again, let us think about how lovely it feels to have a hug from someone whom we have known and shared our life experience. There are so many people who do not have anyone in their life to share their moments of joy or sadness with and to have the pleasure of a warm embrace.

If we feel we are genuinely being valued and appreciated, we will extend ourselves to whosoever is showing us this appreciation. When we communicate our appreciation effectively, it is a win-win situation for all. However, very often we neglect this fundament to establish healthy and growing relationships.

We cannot fake appreciation. It must come from our heart. If we are not truly appreciative when acknowledging another person, it manifests itself as insincerity. People can notice the difference between sincere and insincere appreciation.

Sometimes, as a way to value those who are close to us, we may have to be accommodative. Look at the larger picture; how have they contributed to our success, joy or well-being? Take whatever time is required to view through the lens of reality, to gain a clear perspective and viewpoints about how they have been of great blessings to us.

We can be assured that our appreciation and gratitude is being heard when our life becomes a song of praise—-realizing the many blessings which we do deserve. Life is a gift. The love we share with others is priceless, and the beauty and wonders of creation we see and experience is a privilege by the grace of the Creator.

How do we learn to appreciate things and people around us? The first thing to do is to appreciate ourselves. I tell myself that:

I appreciate and believe that by allowing myself to move through the greatest challenge and pain, I am able to experience the deepest joy right on the other side.

I appreciate failures, learn from them and see them all as blessings in disguise.

I appreciate that I do not always get what I ask for, but I always get what I really need.

I appreciate that I am a writer and that it has taken me a lifetime to be able to say that and really mean it.

I appreciate my judgment and sense of style, love for beautiful things and my ability to take the ordinary and make it extraordinary.

I appreciate my ability to recognize the Angels in my life. They are those who love me.

I appreciate my very strong will. It makes me determined enough to prove to those people, who have told me that something cannot be done, that they are wrong.

This is how I learn to appreciate myself. When we begin to appreciate and value ourselves, we are already on our way to appreciate others. Let us celebrate who we are, what we do, and the many gifts and talents we have. Self-appreciation is not arrogance. It's an awareness of your own power and it's the key to self-confidence, success, and fulfillment.

There's a saying, "Argue for your limitations and they are yours." Let us instead learn to appreciate and celebrate all the good stuff in others, around us, and in ourselves. When we focus on this good stuff, our world is transformed and we are able to see and experience the GREAT FULLNESS of our lives and we will begin to appreciate our family, our co-workers, our organisation, our city and later our country and the world.

I shall proceed in introducing the letter R in the acronym of H.E.A.R.T. It stands for “Reach out”. Let us explore together the words “Reach Out” in my next Sunday Column.

Esther Law is a director, consultant, trainer, Past Division Governor of Toastmasters International, President for Lions Club of Kuching Host (2009-2010). Esther is also the Overseas Director of Fuda Cancer Hospital, Guangzhou, China. If you have any comments about this article you can contact her at lawleepoh@gmail.com

Live life with H.E.A.R.T ! E = Encouragement (Mac 7, 2010)

Posted in Labels: Eastern Times Weekly Column

This week I shall write on E, the second letter of the acronym H.E.A.R.T. E stands for encouragement. I always believe that encouragement is a form of emotion booster. It is an act or gestures that brings a true smile to someone’s heart or make him/her feel special and cared for.

There is this theory of bucket and dipper. Each of us has an invisible bucket and dipper in our hands. We can fill others’ buckets or we can dip from them. When we receive words of encouragement from others, others are filling our buckets. When our buckets are overflowing, we, too, become encouragers giving words of encouragement to others. On the other hand, if we continue to receive negative comments, feedback and sarcasm from others, they are using their dippers to dip from our buckets. It saps our energy and undermines our will. However, the secret is that when we fill another's bucket it does not take anything out of our own bucket. The level in our own bucket gets higher when we fill another's, and, on the other hand, when we dip into another's bucket we do not fill our own; instead we lose a little and diminish ourselves. Are you bucket-filler or a bucket-dipper?

If in introducing Albert to a friend, you say, "This is my friend Albert. We have known each other for over 10 years. If you ever need work done around your house, this is the guy to call. I've seen him building and repairing basements, kitchens, roofing and car porch etc. He really does them wonderfully." How do you think Albert would feel? How would your friend feel? Albert’s bucket would be getting filled and your friend would see the respect you have for Albert and would learn something about Albert that would normally not come up in a casual conversation.

Encouragement is a wonderful thing. It can lift you up when you are down. Encouragement does not have to be a grand gesture. It can be kind words, kind thoughts, an unexpected card or letter of appreciation or a private prayer. Any of these four can give hope to the person that you wish to encourage.

Kind words can be as simple as, "You look very nice today!" Have we ever told anyone this? Did you notice their facial expressions when they heard them? These expressions usually consist of a big smile and a twinkle in their eyes. So why do we not do this as often as we can? If we made it our mission to speak nice words thirty times a day, we would leave a trail of happiness in our wake so wide; the ripple effects could spread miles. This would affect us as well.

Imagine that you were Joyce. I met you at a function organized by you. When I arrived at the function, I came to you; I walked toward you smiling and greeted you with a HUG. I went on to tell you, “Joyce, you look so gorgeous; you are always so sweet and kind. Look at the decoration, what a nice decoration it is. I like it. You did a marvelous job.” I believe you would be happy to hear what I had said. Nobody likes negative comments such as “You look ugly”, “You are lousy”, and “Why you are so slow in completing your work.”

Believe it or not, it doesn't take much to give another person a shot of encouragement that feels like a shot of adrenaline. It can be something as simple as a short note left somewhere that says "I prayed for you today." It can be a card in the mail. It can be a voice mail message that says "I was thinking of you.” It takes only a few minutes to do or say it, but it can make another human being feel valued.

In the virtual world of email, conference calls, blackberries and the plethora of technology, we have to learn to juggle many priorities at once. Who will spare time to encourage their co-workers? And yet, many of us are where we are today because of those who made the time to encourage us and to mentor us along the way.

So, why does encouragement matter? What are the benefits of encouragement? I gave it some thought, and have listed here some of the key benefits for everyone involved, both the encouraged and the encouragers. Encouragement helps to build self-confidence; it can create an ally; it provides. About ten years ago, I found myself in an interesting discussion with a friend during meeting. As we reminisced about the "good old days", we remembered some of our early mentors who showed us the ropes, provided us with knowledge and insights. Perhaps one of their greatest gifts to us was the Art of Encouragement. As we reflected on "then" and "now" what hit us between the eyes is how seldom people take time to encourage others today. It seems communication has become more efficient, but is it really effective?

How about sending an unexpected card to a friend? How often do we get "real" mail such as a letter or card from a friend or relative? How nice is it to get a little note from a friend letting you know how much he cares about you and how great you are. These little thoughts do not have to be overly ornate or creative. It is those words of love, care and encouragement inside that mean so much to their recipients.

Let us think of people in our life who have encouraged us along the way. What kind of a difference have they made in our life? Have we taken the time to thank them? If we have not, why not we do it now? Perhaps send them a card, give them a call, or offer to take them to lunch. Let them know how much their encouragement has meant to us. I can guarantee it will make their day.

Prayer is not to be underrated. We can lift someone up to our God and tell Him about them. Ask for His guidance in their lives and to help them in times of hardship. You do not have to let someone know that you are praying for him or her, but I love to know that people are praying for me. I love the fact that they are thinking about me. It bolsters me, comforts me and motivates me.

I encourage you to encourage others. Let your friends know how much they mean to you and how much they are loved. Encouraging one another is what God tells us to do. He knows the impact it has on us.

I know that I am not the best at this, but when I make a conscious effort to lift someone up, I see the positive effect that it has on them in the moment, and possibly the rest of the day. It also has a "pay-it-forward" effect on others they interact with throughout the day. I know how it makes me feel.

So, how do you go about encouraging someone else? We can look for opportunities to encourage, and when we give, we give it freely, sincerely and specifically. We can make it a habit and try to learn and find ways to make it easy. As you go about your day, look around you and notice people. You will find that as you become bucket filler, people around you will begin to fill your bucket as well.

Here you are, my E= Encouragement for all of you. In my next Sunday column, I shall explore the letter A as Appreciation in the acronym of H.E.A.R.T.

Esther Law is a director, consultant, trainer, Past Division Governor of Toastmasters International, President for Lions Club of Kuching Host (2009-2010). Esther is also the Overseas Director of Fuda Cancer Hospital, Guangzhou, China. If you have any comments about this article you can contact her at lawleepoh@gmail.com

Live life through H.E.A.R.T! H=HUG (Part II) (Feb 28, 2010)

Posted in Labels: Eastern Times Weekly Column

To me, HUG carries many meanings. In Part I of my article on HUG on 14 February I mentioned that HUG was a form action or gesture that transfers love, care, intimacy and concern for others or for ourselves. This week, I will share further my views about HUG. HUG transforms lives. HUG means acceptance, HUG carries values from within. HUG means welcome, HUG means self acceptance, HUG means motivation, and HUG means forgiveness.

A hug is a greeting from the heart. When we HUG others, it means we welcome them, we accept them and we love them whole heartedly. To HUG a person means we accept the person as he/she is, regardless of his/her race or level of education. HUG others equal to encouragement, HUG others also means that we have set hatred aside and we forgive.

HUG means different things to different people. HUG is when we make the conscious decision to have peace with an event or with somebody whom we were judgmental about previously; now we do not feel that way any longer. Instead we accept them as they are and respect their freedom of choice.

Have you hugged yourself today? HUG our inner self and we can come to self realization. HUGGING ourselves in our quiet time can be helpful for our emotion. By hugging ourselves, we would be able to pay attention to our inner voice and learn to trust its guidance. During our quiet time, we may come to realize what works for us and what does not, what is helpful in our world and what is not and what is right for us and what is not. As we recognize these, we can make choices whether to continue to allow them to be a part of our lives or to let them die a natural death.

Hugging ourselves can be helpful in allowing us to relinquish the nagging voices which continuously cast doubts on our decision making skills. HUG can calm and remind us that the choices that we had made were the best we could make under our own steam and under the circumstances we were in.

A hug is a great gift – it is “one size fits all” and is interexchange. When we begin to acknowledge those things or decisions made by others are not within our control, we no longer feel the need to have a negative emotional reaction towards them. Now we can channel our energy for other positive and fulfilling activities of the mind and the heart. No longer do we feel a tide of draining negativity that is sagging our energy away.

Accept others as they are; we are all unique and differ in many ways. Each of us is taking a different path; we do not need to seek others’ approvals neither do they. Knowing this will bring peace to us. Sometimes our paths cross and walk together hand in hand or we may be miles apart. Let there be plenty of tolerance along the way.

To me, in order to lead a happy and fulfilling life, you must accept and HUG our whole self. Hugging our whole self implies embracing all of our energy and all that we have judged and labeled as "good and wonderful” about ourselves and also all that we may have judged and labeled as "bad" or “undesirable”. We must not reject the parts of ourselves which we have labeled as "bad". When we do that, a portion of our own energy and life-force is channeled to suppress those “bad” parts, in order to ignore their presence, to hide them away from us so that we wouldn't have to deal with them. We must realize that, in actual fact when we do this, it creates stress, pressure, inner conflict, anxiety, and guilt in ourselves; it blocks the free flow of energy within ourselves and in time creates mental, emotional and physical problems. It keeps us away from fully experiencing the joy of life and the feeling of an abundance of life-force freely flowing through you, freely expressing through ourselves.

When we HUG or embrace all of our parts, when we invite and welcome them, love them and accept them, regardless of how imperfect or undesirable we may have considered them to be, enormous energy becomes liberated within ourselves. With each part that we HUG and embrace, we become free of some unnecessary burden, of baggage we have been carrying around; we begin to feel lighter, we breathe easier and are more energized. We can accomplish more things and have more energy to invest in creating the life we enjoy living. We feel good about ourselves, we become healthier, and more importantly, we begin to experience inner peace.

When we HUG ourselves, we accept and integrate it into part of us. There is no inner conflict any more. There is no more inner war, no more friction within that creates stress - there is only a wonderful peace in us.

When we look at our life, we may become aware of many things we did or said that we wish that we had not said or done. We realize that we had made many errors and are aware of all sorts of weaknesses and imperfections in us. However, if we look around, we notice that we are not alone. All of us have our own weaknesses and imperfections, all of us have done countless things which we wish very much that to have done differently. Have you ever met any perfect human being? I don't think so. It is ludicrous to expect perfection either from ourselves or from others. As long as we are living, growing and learning new things each day, we can be certain that we will continue to make mistakes.

The only thing any of us can do at any point of time is simply to do our very best. If we commit ourselves to do our very best and accept and love all those parts of us that need more polishing. Like parents who love their small children who are growing and learning, we will live at peace with ourselves and with the world. If we are aware of our own weaknesses and imperfection, we will have more compassion toward other people when we notice the weaknesses and imperfection in them.

If we embrace and accept our human nature, even while we are unfolding spiritually, instead of indulging in feelings of guilt, we will not be tempted to point fingers at others. People who tell others "You should be ashamed for this!" are those who are burdened and tormented with feelings of guilt, and who hope that if they can make someone else feel guilty, they will feel better about themselves. However, they will never do until they learn to accept themselves just the way they are.

When we fully and completely HUG or accept ourselves, then it would not matter whatever others may say or think about us because we are at peace with ourselves. When we have accepted all those things we have judged as "good" and "bad", and when someone point them out, we can acknowledge and admit that we could have done better; we will love ourselves just the way we are. If we feel that we need to change something about our own self, change it when we are ready. We can take whatever appropriate actions without ever crucifying ourselves for the past mistakes we had made. We can move on with our life and keep on doing our best.

Hugging has no unpleasant side effects. It is all natural. There are no batteries to be replaced; it's non-fattening and inflation-proof with no monthly payments. It's non-taxable and non-polluting. So, if you like, take some time to HUG or welcome all those aspects of yourself that you may not feel good or proud of. HUG them as if they were your own little children. Call back and embrace any parts of you that you feel ashamed of, any parts of you that make you feel guilty. As you do, you will become aware that they are transforming and dissolving into pure energy and you will feel more and more alive, free, happy and at peace. As you accept and love all parts of your being and your life, if you are able to HUG others as much as you HUG yourself, you will discover that you have opened the door to miracles, blessings and many wonderful surprises. There is an old saying: “A hug is two hearts wrapped in arms”. Let us HUG one another whole heartedly. Let us do it now!

Next week I will share with you about the letter E in the acronym, H.E.A.R.T. E = Encourage yourself, Encourage others. Do remember to read my column “Touching The Heart” next week.

Live life through H.E.A.R.T! H= HUG (Feb 21, 2010)

Posted in Labels: Eastern Times Weekly Column

HEART! What a rich word it is! What comes to your mind when you think of the word? Stop for a minute and try to answer the question. What types of feeling does it bring up in you? Could it be love, care, concern, intimacy or simply a pumping heart?

To me the word “heart” conjures out a heart that is pumping lively, a heart that is filled with joy, happiness, love and peace. I always try to live my HEART to the fullest. From the word “heart” I coined the acronym “H.E.A.R.T”, my life philosophy. Let’s see what the acronym stands for:

H – Hug yourself; Hug others

E – Encourage yourself; encourage others

A – Appreciate yourself; appreciate others

R – Reach out to yourself; reach out to others

T – Touch yourself; touch others

H.E.A.R.T has been with me for more than ten years. I find it effective in leading my life to contentment and fulfillment. I feel it is going to make my life even more meaningful if I can share it with you. I am going to talk about it in six parts. The first part is on HUG.

Let us ponder what is HUG? A hug is a form of physical touch and intimacy, not necessarily sexual. It usually involves embracing or holding another person or a group of persons with your arms to show that you like, love or value them. Hug is one of the most common human signs of affection, love and care. It is a form of physical intimacy; it is practiced publicly and privately in many countries without any stigma, irrespective of religions and cultures,. It is practiced within families and also across age and gender lines.

I like to hug people; to me hug is an exchange of love. A hug can be a sign of support and comfort. A hug can also be a demonstration of affection and emotional warmth arising out of joy or happiness at meeting someone. I feel good after hugging people around me; I feel extremely good after hugging cancer patients; I can see that they are filled with joy and hope after each hug.

I believe hug can help healing. Hug has been proven to have health benefits. One study has shown that hugs increase the level of oxytocin, the hormone of love, and lower blood pressure. It can eradicate bitterness and hatred. It can heal the wound between couples or between friends. It can strengthen the relationship among our friends or our workmates.

However, before hugging anybody, there is something to remember before you get yourself misunderstood. In general, we only hug when the person we want to hug has his/her arms out, He may not want to be hugged if his arms aren't out. Unless you have hugged the person before, don't hug him without asking first. In addition, use your best judgment in deciding when and where to hug someone. There are certain situations where one might be embarrassed to be seen hugging with someone else. Try to avoid a hug with a running start unless the person being hugged is aware you are about to do so; if not, this may result in both of you falling over.

I will approach and hug a person based on our relationship. Before we practice HUG, we must understand the meaning of HUG correctly; we do not simply hug a person without knowing the purpose. We have to HUG a person depending on the person’s relationship with us. Hug can be roughly divided into “Family Hug”, “Friend Hug”, “Buddy Hugs” and “Lovers Hugs”.

Family Hugs are important in sustaining the bond among family members. Some of us may feel shy or strange when come to hug our father, mother-in-law or father-in-law. I remembered the first time I hugged my late father. That was after I had learned about hug after a seminar in Miri in 1991. I went to him and hugged him and he was stunt and stiff. He did not know how to respond to me. He stood still and waited for me to finish. I went on to tell him, “I love you daddy. Thank you for giving me such a good life.” He did not say a single word but I could see that he was trying to hold back his tears. He never expected he would get a hug from me who had grown up to be an adult. This was because he had never hugged or even thought of hugging his own father or mother. I could feel that he was very happy since then; he loved my hug even though he would not tell me his feelings. My dad passed away three years ago. I managed to leave him with warm hugs. I am not living in regrets as I had ever filled his life with HUGS. If you have not hugged your family members, especially your parents or in- laws, HUG them now, hug them and hold them tightly with your arms. Trust me! It is going to be one of the happiest moments in your life.

For a “friend hug”, I will normally embrace my friend caringly, sometimes humorously. I will close my eyes and recall things that he/she has done for me. When hugging your friends, you may think about how much you love your friends. Hold him/her as hard as you feel like but never turn it into a bear hug. Try not to clap him/her on the shoulders; some friends may think that signifies you don't like them to hug you. When I hug a male friend, I will approach him genuinely and friendlily and embrace him with a sincere hug. If you are a man and hugging your male friend, you may embrace him strongly, and clap each other on the top of the backs. If it's an emotional moment, lock in the hugging position for a brief moment and do not clap each other’s back.

When come to lover hug, I am sure that we know how to hug our lover in the most loving and natural way. I believe it does not matter who starts it; either one of you can make it just as romantic. When approaching, put our hands on our lover’s shoulders and look them in the eyes. Say how much you love and care for him/her and how much you treasure every second of the time you are with him/her. Then fall into each other and hug with all your heart.

While we are hugging a person, please do not hug him/her too tightly. The best way to judge how hard to hug is to let whoever you're hugging to indicate how they want it by how hard they hug. If they are soft, be soft; if they prefer to hug tightly, hug back the same way (but don't suffocate him/her).

Please do not let go too early, this is because a hug is a powerful way to communicate your care and love for another person and it can make one feel great and greatly improve one’s mood. If someone hugs you, he may want a long, loving hug (especially when they are upset or down), so just go along with it and hug him until he lets go or loosen his hold. If you try to end it early, it may seem awkward to both of you.

I am sure you are aware of the benefits of hugging people. However, there is something to remember before you get yourself misunderstood. Please do not confuse a friend hug with a lover hug. Things might get complicated and awkward. We only hug when the person you want to hug has his/her arms out, He may not want to be hugged if his arms aren't out. Unless you have hugged the person before, don't hug him without asking first. In addition, use your best judgment in deciding when and where to hug someone. There are certain situations where one might be embarrassed to be seen hugging with someone else. Try to avoid a hug with a running start unless the person being hugged is aware you are about to do so; if not, this may result in both of you falling over.

Since HUG is an important way of expressing love and care to one another, let us do it now. The more you hug people, the more loving you become. The more hugs being practiced in our society, the more peaceful and joyful our society will be. Imagine a world that is full of HUGS! I am sure this is a world that everyone desires.

Next week I will share with you “Hug - Part II. What is in it for you?” HUG transforms lives. HUG means acceptance, HUG means forgiveness. Let us continue to explore HUG in my next Sunday column, Touching the HEART.

Laugh, and the World Laughs with You! (Feb 7, 2010)

Posted in Labels: Eastern Times Weekly Column

How often do you laugh? When was the last time you laughed?

In this highly competitive world, many working adults are greatly stressed; they have targets and deadlines to meet. They look serious and smile has disappeared from their face and laughter seems to be of the distant past; they have forgotten how to laugh. It seems like people stay so stressed out and are on the verge of a blow up at any time.

In one of the seminars I conducted in Guangzhou, China, I threw a question to the floor, I asked: How do you laugh? Not many participants knew how to demonstrate a laugh. One of the participants stood up and told me, we should not laugh out loud as this could be construed as a form of impolite gestures. While this could be true, I think it could be more of a belief. The belief could have been formed because of their culture and how they were brought up. They could have been brought up from a reserved background. They hold back their emotions and keep all the stress and pressure to themselves. This can be good occasionally. However, there are more disadvantages than advantages in holding on our negative emotions.

In fact, we can turn our negative emotions by laughing out loud. We can transform negative emotions into positive forces. We can laugh out loud when we are angry instead of throwing a tantrum, scolding people or quarrelling with them. Laughter is beneficial to us both emotionally and physically. Laughter can be contagious; when someone in a group laughs, very often, the rest of the group will join in and laugh spontaneously. Laughing with others helps us to connect with them, open the door to communication and helps to improve relationship. Imagine living in a society that is full of laughter, no sorrow and no pain. Isn’t it heaven!

Laughter is beneficial to us both emotionally and physically. It relieves stress, stimulates healing, exercises certain parts of the body, and helps in human bonding. It cheers people up; laughter can turn a bad situation to good; laughter can break the barrier in all kinds of controversial situation. Laughter has been found to reduce the amount of stress hormones and help us cope with our lives better. It is often said, "Laughter is the best medicine". When we laugh, the body makes facial gestures and sounds. The body relaxes during laughter. The diaphragm, abdominal, respiratory, facial, leg and back muscles all get a workout. Scientists have found that laughing one hundred times is equal to a ten-minute workout on a rowing machine, or fifteen minutes on an exercise bicycle. Laughter helps to promote healing in the body by lowering blood pressure and increasing blood flow. When we laugh, the production of T -cells that destroy tumors and viruses increase, and more Gamma interferon (which is a disease fighting protein) is released.

There is a special name for the physiological and psychological study of laughter. It is called gelotology. Scientists have discovered that within four-tenths of a second of seeing something humorous, an electrical wave moved through the cerebral cortex of the brain. If the wave took a negative charge, there was laughter. Many areas of the brain are involved in making us laugh. The emotional, the intellectual, and the sensory processing parts of our brain all play a role in stimulating the motor sections of our brain to physically make us laugh.

Smile is the first step towards laughter. Smile more and laughter will follow. Spend time with happy people. I have a staff that is joyful and she smiles and laughs a lot. She lightens the office which leads to a more conducive working atmosphere and increase in productivity. Attend comedy movies and read humorous books. Play non-competitive games and have fun with friends. Poke fun at yourself and people will laugh with you. Laugh, and the world laughs with you.You will feel healthier, wealthier and wiser and even live longer. You will be ready to take on whatever challenges life brings your way. As said E.E. Cummings, the most wasted of all days is one without laughter.

Feel the HEART (Jan 31, 2010)

Posted in Labels: Eastern Times Weekly Column

It is important to feel our HEART as it is part of the process in transforming us into a better “WE”. I always like to ask participants who attended my talk to raise their right hands and place them on the area of their heart. The purpose of doing this is to remind them that it is very important to connect ourselves with our heart always. Heart is our feeling center, the place for love and acceptance of self and others, for giving and receiving.

I began to believe that there is an electro-magnetic field around our body after I had watched an excellent documentary called “The Living Matrix”. In the documentary, many well known medical researchers worldwide were interviewed. The video documentary suggested that our heart and body operated with the same principles discovered in quantum physics. It has been realized that we are inseparable from our environment, but instead we are in constant interaction with it. When scientists tried to observe the interaction of two minute particles objectively they discovered their presence in the room affected what was happening. This tells us that in spite of the fact that we may feel separated from others but we are not. We cannot really detach ourselves from the consciousness of all that surrounds us.

Medical researches have discovered that the heart, through its pumping action, creates waves which cause impacts on the electro-magnetic field around us. The heart also picks up impressions from this field. An example of this would be sensing or feeling something before it actually registers in our brain. This happens because the heart is the first organ to receive impressions from this field.

To prove this to yourself, pay attention when you are in a room with other people. See if you can sense their mood or feelings even if they do not express them. This is your heart picking up impressions from the field around you. Naturally, if you can read their energy, they can also read yours. Therefore we need to realize that we can no longer hide our true thoughts and feelings from one another.

It has also been discovered that the heart is made up of neuronal cells that are very similar to those found in the brain. What this suggests is that the heart can pick up information from this energy field, process that information through its neuronal cells and send the messages to the brain, which processes them and instructs our bodies to act accordingly.

For a long time people believed the brain was of paramount importance - we think and then we feel. Now it has been said that we feel first, and only then we think. If we believe in this model, then the idea that our brain runs our lives looses some merit. What this research is confirming is that we are all one and all interconnected. Through this energy field in which all consciousness exists, we are in constant communication with one another at all time whether we are aware of it or not. We must realize that we are never isolated from or immune to the electro-magnetic field of consciousness that surrounds us and that our heart is the means through which information, created through intentions and thoughts, reaches us. This is also how people can have knowledge or be forewarned of future events. In the simplest term, it is what we call the sixth sense or intuition.

The more inputs go into our heart center, the more powerful our intuition becomes. Intuition grows in direct proportion to our level of consciousness. With time, we will learn to trust our intuition and find that it proves to be pretty reliable. Touching and feeling our hearts will prove to us that we all have this ability and are powerful creators of reality.

If we believe that our hearts are contributing and responding to this field of consciousness continuously, we need to follow our heart every moment in order to create a new paradigm. We need to stop filtering reality with our old programs.

When we have strong feelings deep within, we can interpret reality for ourselves and realize there is nothing to fear. We will understand that we can create the reality and global consciousness we desire by introducing positive thoughts and ideas into this field. This would be the result of listening and creating with our hearts. As we learn to feel our heart, we make changes within which will manifest as changes in our relationships with others and our planet. We will realize that the heart is not just an organ to pump blood around the body but it is where all actions take place. This shifts our understanding of how we really operate in the world and the importance of being heart-centered.

I have many experiences and I believe they are true. I would like to suggest that each person take a few moments each day to connect with their heart center. Close our eyes and take a few deep breaths and focus on our heart. Look and feel deep within and ask ourselves whether our heart is filled with love, acceptance, and compassion for ourselves and others or is it filled with self judgment and criticism instead?

We will realize we are powerful creators of reality. When we live in the moment, our thoughts and desires manifest almost immediately, so make sure and be clear on what you really want. The universe manifests all our thoughts, so being negative, unclear or undecided can only manifest confusion or something you don’t really want. When we listen with our hearts and are in touch with our feelings, it is easier to be in harmony with ourselves and others. Whether we have the courage to express our true feelings will depend on our willingness to come out of the closet and be who we truly are. We must always remember that we are how we feel; we will get what we feel. If you want your life to be always in a positive mode, change your way you feel. Let us touch our heart always!

Esther Law is a director, consultant, trainer, Past Division Governor of Toastmasters International, President for Lions Club of Kuching Host (2009-2010). Esther is also the Overseas Director of Fuda Cancer Hospital, Guangzhou, China. If you have any comments about this article you can contact her at lawleepoh@gmail.com

Live an Ideal Life (Jan 24, 2010)

Posted in Labels: Eastern Times Weekly Column

If you are twenty-five years old now and you are expected to live up to a rich old age of eighty, there will be another 55 years or 20,075 days ahead of you. How are you going to live each day of your life? How many of these days will be used to building relationship with your family, friends, co-workers and people around you? How many of these days will be invested on learning new things, self-growth, contributing to the society and making a difference in the world we live? Will you spend time to find out life’s purpose and live a fulfilling life? Or are you going to live each day with worry, anger, fear and frustration?

One great tragedy of our generation is that most people do not pause and think about life. There are people who merely exist but do not live. They do not know and never try to find out the purpose of life and what type of life they want to live. Ask them why they go to school, and they will be astonished by your question. They will tell you that they go to school to study and that will help them secure good jobs. Ask them why they go to work, and they say because everyone goes to work. So they go to work, spending a big portion of their valuable days on work they don't like to do, with people whom they don't want to see, in a place they don't want to stay. And then they complain about being stressed. They attend stress management seminars and learn stress management techniques for a day, go back to work expecting to be able to handle the stress in the workplace. They are stressed further when they find out that the techniques they had learnt do not work.

Whatever we do today is our own decision. We are where we are now because of all the decisions we made earlier. Every moment is a moment of decision. There are moments when we make bigger decisions but we only reach these bigger decisions because of all the smaller decisions we made before. Being late in the workplace is a decision. Do you know of people who are always late at work? Do you realize that these are the same people who blame the traffic, other drivers, and the weather as the causes for their coming to work late? These are the same people who complain a lot, these are the same people who find their days very “toxic”. How we make use of our day is up to us to decide. Every new day is a gift from God. We decide whether to unwrap that gift or let it stay in a corner of the house to be covered with dust.

Deep within us is the desire to live an ideal life. Again, how do we intend to live each day of our life? What are the things which are important to us? When we choose to compromise our most deeply held values, anything we gain by doing so will be of no real use. If we must betray the unique person we are in order to feed our appetite for fleeting pleasures, we have dealt ourselves a tragic loss.

Imagine living a life that is ideal in every way, filled with meaning for the unique person that you are. Keep that vision constantly in front of you and you will surely do everything you can and move toward it. An ideal life is about much more than impressing others with how clever or fashionable we are.

We are the one who decide and creating our life today. Therefore, make it outstanding; make it an ideal life we want to live. The ups and downs of the moment will come and they will go. What will always remain is our passion for living. We are a dynamic expression of a universe that is overflowing with limitless possibilities. Choose to live up to our highest potential. We can learn to focus on our most compelling and authentic desires, for in them we will find boundless energy to achieve. Do truly great things for the world by doing what gives us real fulfillment.

The Value of Life

Law Lee Poh

Recipe for Success (Apr 25, 2010)

Live life through H.E.A.R.T! T=Touched (Mac 28, 2010)

Live life through H.E.A.R.T! R = Reach out (Mac 21, 2010)

Live life with H.E.A.R.T! A=Appreciation (Mac 14, 2010)

Live life with H.E.A.R.T ! E = Encouragement (Mac 7, 2010)

Live life through H.E.A.R.T! H=HUG (Part II) (Feb 28, 2010)

Live life through H.E.A.R.T! H= HUG (Feb 21, 2010)

Laugh, and the World Laughs with You! (Feb 7, 2010)

Feel the HEART (Jan 31, 2010)

Live an Ideal Life (Jan 24, 2010)

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