The Value of Life

CHURCHILL once said, “Success is never final, and failure is never fatal. It is courage that counts!”

I have been learning to understand and adapt courage in my life. All my life I have had this one question; “What is courage?”

I am focused on one vital aspect of life leadership, asking my friends and doing some reading. I’ve been working hard with courage in my own life too.

Courage. What is it? Is it a thing?

The dictionary states that ‘courage’ is a noun. But can we hold it, touch it, carry it, and see it? The answer is no.

After searching all over for answers, here’s what I believe what courage is: In French, courage means “heart and spirit.” Great leaders throughout history have acted from their hearts, but the definition of courage has been narrowed to simple heroics.

Courage means a lot more, and is the main key for each one of us. According to Aristotle, courage is the first human virtue because it makes all the others virtues possible.

It is important for us to know that lift does not give us courage. Life gives us opportunities to practice the actions needed to accumulate courage. Courage hold no prejudice for those who try to do their best, even in their weakest moments.

I believe that courage is an open door to the lessons need to meet life’s expectations.

It is though our choice to execute the will to open and enter the doors of courage that we get what we deserve; more courage, a better life and the greatest of opportunities we will have.

It is sad to know that many people find courage in some of the most unfamiliar places. I have personally know people who found courage in an alcohol bottle, at the end of a cigarette stick or when using drug.

These are short-lived engagements of limited levels of courage. This courage is absent when the devices, tools or other people are unavailable for support. The courage that lasts is called real courage.

Real courage is one that can be earned through quality effort, will, integrity and action. No other people can give us this kind of courage.

We are the only ones who can engage long-lasting and self-sustaining real courage into our lives.

We must believe that courage is a teachable skill as well as one that can be learned, and that almost everyone can be courageous.

Building our real courage and advancing professionally are similar to climbing a 10-foot ladder. The first step can be low and wide, and each consecutive step takes you higher and the ladder get narrower. The ascent get shakier as the steps taper on the top of the ladder/

In addition to being the most important human virtue, courage is the most important business virtue as well. My perception is that a person with a real courage is one who dares to be honest with his or her feelings and abilities. For example, learning how to use a new software programme might generate anxiety or ineptness.

A courageous person would say: “I am in over my head and I need assistance to guide me through this transition.”

Revealing vulnerability is a characteristic of someone who possess courage. To me courageous people do not give up easily, especially when it comes to opinions and judgments they fell are right even challenged. They are not close-minded.

Rather, they leave conformity and safety behind to offer opinions and solutions. They know that career advancement is worth the time and sacrifices made.

As it takes courage to attend evening classes for a degree or give up vacation time to focus on their real passion, people with courage state their goals and then work to find ways to achieve them. They develop new models when the old ones don’t work.

They move forward and upward, never quit, and take risks to reinvent themselves. Their drive for constant learning help build their courage and achieve success.

From an early age, I have a great fear snakes. What did I do about it? I went on to hold a snake when I was 26 years old!

I believe that fear in an invitation to courage. Over a long period of time, I was able to dominate my fear of snakes instead of letting it dominate me. Though I remain afraid of snakes, I was able to overcome my fear just enough to hold one.

When I was young, I had no confidence to stand on stage. However, with the change that I’ve made and the courage that I hold within myself, I went up and I kept riding on a chance to given by my teachers.

I succeeded in conquering my fear and that led me to where I am today. I commit and persevered with great courage to move forward.

Perhaps it is time for us to think of a recent time or experience when courage was not called upon… when we didn’t act decisively. Think about how the outcome could have been if you acted with courage.

Let us recall a specific moment in our working life when and where we were proud of ourselves. Maybe we finally conquered the fear in a delivering a speech in front of a big crowd. Perhaps you committed to learning a new skill that benefited your career. Relive that experience and determine the specific behavior that made all the difference.

We must believe that if we have introduced real courage into our life, none of its expectations or limitations will hold any bearing or control on our lives. Let us restate our intent to claim our courage. Write it down and keep asking: “Am I acting courageously?”

Something to remember: A bright and shining vision has value only when we have the courage to follow it. Remember who we are, where we come from and real value of what we have to offer. Then step forwards, with renewed real courage and sincere commitment and make it real. That is real courage.

In today’s world, beauty takes on different definitions. Is beauty important? Is beauty a compulsory factor to secure a good life? I am sure many people hold different views. When one thinks of a beautiful person, the first thought that comes to mind is a picture of some celebrities that appear all over television and movies. These celebrities spend most of their time in front of a camera while the rest of the world watch in envy. Many people would love to have the beauty that these celebrities possess. Indeed they are very beautiful, but is that beauty?

Beauty is a characteristic of a person. It provides a perceptual experience of pleasure, meaning or satisfaction. Beauty is studied as part of aesthetics, sociology, social psychology and culture. An “ideal beauty” is an entity that is admired, or that possess features widely attributed to beauty in a particular culture. There are two types of beauty: The inner beauty and the outer beauty. People see these two types of beauty as very different from each another.

A person that holds outer beauty is typically a person that is considered physically attractive. This person, whether it is a he or a she, is usually considered to be slim or of average weight and height. It is very rarely that an overweight person is considered as outwardly beautiful.

It is very normal to refer to a kind hearted person as having inner beauty. He or she always interested in helping and reaching out to others. Everything he or she does is for the good of someone else. He or she may focus on recycling and other “green” matters that will help to preserve the earth we all live on. He or she may volunteer at local missions or hospitals in order to help others. He or she may be the person that everyone he or she knows turns to when they need advice or help through difficult time. He or she usually is reliable. If he or she says he or she is going to do something, you can bet that he or she will do it. He or she may not have outer beauty but this is rarely focused on. His or her inner beauty will shine so brightly that the lack of outer beauty is unrecognizable.

Few years ago, a friend of mine from Korea told me in her emails that she did not manage to get an executive post just because her appearance. She has simple and ordinary face. She was sad & very discouraged by it. She felt it was unfair to judge a book by its cover. Academically she is qualified with an honour degree in Human Resource Management. She was contemplating of plastic surgery to transform herself into a beauty. She told me that she never thought that would happen to her. In the past, she could not understand why people were spending tons of money to beatify themselves to the extent of undergoing plastic surgery and body reconstruction. At that time, she thought that this group of people was with very low self-esteem; they did not have confidence in themselves, and that was why they resorted to various means of beautifying themselves.

However, her perception changed after the bad experience she had gone through. She began to believe and accept that to be employed, one must be good looking too. She began to understand why plastic surgery has become a hit among graduating seniors in Korea. Employers in Korea do not base their selection criteria on applicants’ education background alone; they would want their employees to be good looking person reflects good personalities and attitudes. Normally, people will relate a good looking person as one who is organized, immaculate and confident. Korean employers believe that it is important for their staff to possess both outer and inner beauty. Though this is not impossible it is difficult to come by. Many that have outer beauty are so busy trying to keep it that they usually don’t think about the things a person with inner beauty may think about. Those with inner beauty are so busy trying to do good for others that they rarely think about themselves or when they do, their focus is not on how they can improve their outer appearance.

With the advancement of our world today, people’s mind set is changing as well-inner beauty has to be enhanced by outer beauty as well. On an individual basis or by community consensus, the characterization of a person into a “beauty” is often based on the combination of Inner Beauty, which includes psychological factors such as personality, intelligence, grace, politeness, charisma, integrity, congruence and elegance and Outer Beauty, which is referred to as physical attractiveness which includes physical factors such as health youthfulness, facial symmetry, and complexion.

In conclusion, beauty is a wonderful thing.

Inner and outer beauty is something that people should work to achieve. Too much of any one thing is never good, but some of each is a definite positive. In the past, people may have told us that it is alright if we do not have a presentable appearance, so long as we have a kind heart. However, I think people now will not only appreciate us for all the good that we do for those in need, but also if we portray a positive and attractive appearance.

The First duty of Love is to listen. The gentle art of listening is a great gift that we can give to others and ourselves. When we listen to others, we show them that what they say is worthwhile listening to. We thus inject in them self worth and confidence.

Listening takes us out of our tendency towards self-absorption and self-protection. Listening is an essential skill worth tons of effort to learn and to master. It opens us to the world around us and to the persons who matter most to us. When we listen, we will learn, grow, and be nourished. We will learn more if we listen. Zeno of Citium said 2000 years ago that the reason why we have two ears and one mouth is we should listen more and talk less.

In life, have you ever felt that that you have difficulty in getting along with others or that people try to avoid you? If that is the case, it might have to do with how others perceive our listening skills. If we are perceived as a bad listener, then oftentimes people will try to avoid us altogether rather than wasting their energy to communicate with us. We might then find ourselves missing out a lot of opportunities.

I can never agree more with this statement by Dr. John Gottman: “Listen first and acknowledge what you hear, even if you don’t agree with it, before expressing your experience or point of view.” Dr. John Gottman is word renowned for his work of marital stability and divorce prediction. It involves the study of emotions, physiology, and communication. He was recently voted as one of the Top 10 Most Influential Therapists of the past quarter-century by Psychotherapy Networker publication. He describes his discovery that listening really works. In order to get more of your conversation partner’s attention in tense situations, pay attention first: listen and give a brief restatement of what you have heard (especially feelings) before you express you own needs or position.

In learning to better coordinate our live activities with the life activities of others; perhaps we have to avoid models of communication such as arguing like arguing a case in court and debating. In court and debates, it is always for each side to try to make its own pointes and listens to the other side only to tear down the other side’s points. However, in life, if we adopt the style of arguing and debating, our list probably will end up in chaotic situation. We, instead have to the person who wants us to hear their opinion.

For example, in the hospital a nurse might say, after listening to a patient: “I hear that you are very uncomfortable right now, Ruby, and you would really want to get out of that bed and move around. But our doctor says your wound won’t heal unless you stay put for another week.” The patient in this example is much more likely to listen to the nurse than if the nurse simply said: “I’m really sorry, Ruby, but you wound won’t heal unless you stay put for another week.” What is missing is any acknowledge of the patient’s present experience.

As Marshall Rosenberg reported in his book, ‘Nonviolent Communication,’ “studies in labour-management negotiations demonstrate that the time required to reach conflict resolution is cut in half when each negotiator agrees, before responding, to repeat what the previous speaker had said.” The kind of listening recommended here separates acknowledging from approving or agreeing. Acknowledging another person’s thoughts and feelings does not have to mean that you approve of or agree with that person’s actions or way of experiencing, or that you will do whatever someone ask.”

After exploring the E= Encouragement, we shall move on to A=Appreciation. My understanding towards appreciation is simple. To me, appreciation is a simple gesture. It does not take much time and efforts to appreciate others. The key is to make it a way of living, not merely as a tool to pull out when it seems convenient. Next, communicate it in a way that it is heard.

I always feel that to appreciate, we do not have to wait until everything is done or completed. To appreciate, we need not have to wait until we get it all perfect or to wait until people have done things exactly as we had wanted them to. We can start appreciating life, appreciating others and ourselves exactly as we are, right now.

I believe that, when our hearts are truly thankful, it will come out of our mouth and be evident in our words and in our lives. We will not find fault, instead, we will find something to praise. We will not complain, but rather, we will rejoice.

With an appreciative and thankful heart, we will not focus on what is lacking; we will be filled with all that is good. We will not be resentful because we feel cheated; we will cherish and acknowledge how much we are blessed. The way we live, our attitude and our perspective are communicating something to others at all time.

Perhaps it is good to think and ponder on the relationship that we are in. Do we recall that our partner or friends are always there for us when we need advice and guidance? Do you recall all the wonderful memories we have shared over the years? As for me, I have a few close friends who are always by my side, be it moment of happiness or sorrow. I appreciate what they have done for me. One of them is my very loving godmother, Grace Yong. She is the principal of a tuition centre in Kuching. We have known each other for nearly six years. I always receive her encouraging messages through sms, cards and conversation. She is so kind in providing me the comfort. When I am sick, she will boil herbal tea and send it to my office. To make it hassle free, she even brings along a paper cup. I am always touched by her kind and genuine gesture of love and care. I love her for who she is. I would like to take this opportunity to thank her, thanks for her kindness and thoughtfulness. Her messages warm my heart whenever I travel abroad. I wish to thank her for everything that she has done for me.

Again, let us think about how lovely it feels to have a hug from someone whom we have known and shared our life experience. There are so many people who do not have anyone in their life to share their moments of joy or sadness with and to have the pleasure of a warm embrace.

If we feel we are genuinely being valued and appreciated, we will extend ourselves to whosoever is showing us this appreciation. When we communicate our appreciation effectively, it is a win-win situation for all. However, very often we neglect this fundament to establish healthy and growing relationships.

We cannot fake appreciation. It must come from our heart. If we are not truly appreciative when acknowledging another person, it manifests itself as insincerity. People can notice the difference between sincere and insincere appreciation.

Sometimes, as a way to value those who are close to us, we may have to be accommodative. Look at the larger picture; how have they contributed to our success, joy or well-being? Take whatever time is required to view through the lens of reality, to gain a clear perspective and viewpoints about how they have been of great blessings to us.

We can be assured that our appreciation and gratitude is being heard when our life becomes a song of praise—-realizing the many blessings which we do deserve. Life is a gift. The love we share with others is priceless, and the beauty and wonders of creation we see and experience is a privilege by the grace of the Creator.

How do we learn to appreciate things and people around us? The first thing to do is to appreciate ourselves. I tell myself that:

• I appreciate and believe that by allowing myself to move through the greatest challenge and pain, I am able to experience the deepest joy right on the other side.

• I appreciate failures, learn from them and see them all as blessings in disguise.

• I appreciate that I do not always get what I ask for, but I always get what I really need.

• I appreciate that I am a writer and that it has taken me a lifetime to be able to say that and really mean it.

• I appreciate my judgment and sense of style, love for beautiful things and my ability to take the ordinary and make it extraordinary.

• I appreciate my ability to recognize the Angels in my life. They are those who love me.

• I appreciate my very strong will. It makes me determined enough to prove to those people, who have told me that something cannot be done, that they are wrong.