PEACE (Dec 27, 2009)

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“What is PEACE?” My six year old daughter once asked me the question. I never thought about it before. What is PEACE? It is very subjective. Everyone may have their own definitions. I believe peace is a feeling, a wonderful and desirable feeling. It sounds so simple yet it is hard to describe. I made several references. From my finding, peace is not a circumstance. Peace does not depend on any particular set of conditions. It can be at any place and at any time. A peaceful world comes from peaceful people. Make a place for peace each day, and a real sense of peace will start to flow from us, right into our world.

Peace is not something that happens to us, nor is it the absence of anything happening to us. Peace arises from who and what we are, and how we choose to be. The world around us can be full of turmoil and strife, and yet we can be at peace in our own heart.

Peace allows us to solidly connect with what is truly meaningful and valuable in our life. When our efforts come from a perspective of peace, they become much more effective. Peace gives great clarity to our thinking and immense depth to our understanding. There will be peace if we know how to communicate. Before we speak, before we act, before we respond, consider a calm and peaceful way to do so.

There is almost always a way to say what we have to say in a peaceful and compelling manner. And when we do, we have a much better chance of being heard and understood. Whatever we have to accomplish, seek a way to get it done peacefully and respectfully. By doing so, we'll pave the way for even greater accomplishments.

When we live and think and act peacefully, we'll find a world of people who are eager to support our efforts. When our life is filled with peaceful moments, our mind is much more positively focused and our work is much more effective.

At times, we may come across a situation whereby we are not in good terms with others and we feel there is no peace. How do we become friends after we have fought with another? How and where we can add real value by introducing a calm and peaceful tone? Even for a bit of peacefulness?

The answer is in a Ndebele tale from Zimbabwe called “A Blind Man Catches a Bird”.

A young man married a woman whose brother was blind. The young man was eager to get to know his new brother-in-law, so he invited him to go hunting.

Brother-in-law: “You are welcome to join me.”

Blind Man: “I cannot see, remember? But if you will help me see, I would enjoy the time together.”

The young man led the blind man into the bush. At first they followed a path that the man knew. Here, it was easy for the blind man to tag on behind the other. After a while, though, the bush got thicker, the trees grew closely together, and there were many places for animals to hide.

The blind man now held on to the arm of his sighted brother-in-law. He told him many things about the sounds they heard around them. Because he had no sight, he had a great ability to interpret the noises made by animals in the bush.

Blind Man: “There are warthogs nearby. I can hear their noises over there.”. “There! That bird is preparing to fly. Listen to the sound of its wings unfolding.”

Brother-in-law: “These sounds are meaningless to me. You have an ability to understand the bush which is beyond me!”

Blind Man: “Let us set our traps.”

They walked on for several hours until they came to water.

Brother-in-law: “You can put your trap here.” The birds will come for water here.”
The man put his trap a short distance away, taking care to disguise it so that no bird would know that it was there. He did not bother to disguise the blind man’s trap, as it was hot and he was eager to get home to his new wife. Any bird could tell that there was a trap there.

When the young man urged the blind man to follow, the blind man came willingly, believing his brother-in-law had disguised his trap. They returned home to their wives.

The next day, the pair returned to their hunting place. The blind man was excited at the prospect of having caught something. The younger man had to tell him to keep quiet or he would scare the animals away. Even before they reached the traps, the blind man could tell they had caught something.

Blind Man: “I can hear birds! There are birds in the traps.”

When he reached his trap, the young man saw that he had caught a small grey bird. He took it out of the trap and put it in a pouch that he had brought with him. Then the two of them walked towards the blind man’s trap.

Brother-in-law: “There’s a bird in it. You have caught a bird too.”

As he spoke, he felt himself filling with jealousy. The blind man’s bird was marvelously colored, as if it had flown through a rainbow and been stained by the colors. The feathers from a bird would make a fine present for his new wife.

Brother-in-law: “Here is your bird. You may put it in your pouch.”

The blind man felt the bird for a moment, his fingers passing over the wings and the breast. Then, without saying anything, he put the bird into his pouch. The two began the trip home. They talked of many hours, of many things, stopped for a rest under a broad tree.

Brother-in-law: “You are so wise. You know so many things even though you can see nothing at all. There is a question that has always troubled me. Can you tell me, why do people fight with one another?”

Blind Man: “Men fight because they do to each other what you have just done to me.”

Ashamed, the young man rose to his feet. Fetched his pouch, taking out the brightly colored bird, he gave it back to the blind man.

Blind Man: “Do you have any other questions for me?”

Brother-in-law: “Yes. How do men become friends after they have fought?”

Blind Man: “They do what you have just done. That’s how they become friends again.”

Peace is what remains when we have surrendered our ego and our fears. Peace is always there, patiently waiting for us to turn our awareness toward it. The peace we seek is always there. It sits quietly and calmly beneath everything else that has been piled on top of it. If we let go of anger, let go of fear, let go of anxieties, arrogance and resentments, what we are left with is the peace that has been there all along.

Peace cannot be forced on anyone, and true peace cannot be forcibly taken from anyone. Peace comes to those who are strong enough and wise enough to choose it, and with that peace comes an abundance of living which is otherwise impossible to know.

I am sure many of us are seeking for PEACE. We regularly make a place for PEACE in our life. We want a place and time solely for ourselves. We can get in the habit of spending some time each day that's not filled with frenzied activities. Make some peaceful moments each day and you'll begin to see more peaceful qualities in the people, places and events around you.

Peace is not something that can be squeezed in between appointments. To know peace is to commit some time to it. We can find a place of serenity and solitude, and just listen. Let go of the need to fill every second with activity. Allow our tension to melt away. Relax our body, quiet our thoughts, and experience how it is to be fully in the moment, with all worries and anxieties far, far behind us.

Let us be strong enough and confident enough to practice peace on a daily basis. We'll quickly make our world a better place.

Esther Law is a director, consultant, trainer, Past Division Governor of Toastmasters International, President for Lions Club of Kuching Host (2009-2010). Esther is also the Overseas Director of Fuda Cancer Hospital, Guangzhou, China. If you have any comments about this article you can contact her at lawleepoh@gmail.com

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Now is the Moment (Dec 6, 2009)

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What is your vision for your life? Have you thought about it lately, or ever?

There is some vision, some dream, some goal so absolutely compelling that we cannot help but make it happen. Find it and connect with it. There is a purpose/dream deep within us that longs to be expressed. In following that purpose/dream, we will bring great value and fulfillment to our own life and the lives of those around us.

I have read many inspirational books, listened to motivational CDs and attended many personal development seminars. If not for the encouragement as well as the treasure trove of power - tips and techniques these materials have provided, I would probably still be asking myself what a purposeful life would look like, and how I can have one.

I’m far from being an expert in any of these areas; rather, I come from the perspective of a student who has done the work, taken the notes and attended the classes. It is through this journey that I’ve discovered ways to improve my life, and it is my hope that my experience will help others to do the same.

I recently wrote a Chinese book to help people follow their passions and learn to live an extraordinary life. I’ve been asked why the book titled “Winning in Life Now” rather than just “Winning in Life”. After all, isn’t that what we all want -To be winners throughout this journey of life? I decided to add the word “Now” to stress the urgency with which we must live each day and each moment in order to be truly happy.

Are we ready to start creating a winning life now? Feel the intensity of that purpose. Surrender to it and allow it to drive us powerfully forward. It is never too early and never too late to immerse ourselves in the empowering glow of our purpose. Now is when we can know the overwhelming sweetness of true fulfillment.

Step decisively toward those most treasured dreams that spring from our purpose. Right now, in this moment, fulfill the best of what we know life can be. When we decide to do it, do it straightaway! Give substance to our commitment by acting on it right away.

Purpose is powerful, and yet there is something our purpose must have in order for it to last. That something is real, solid action. Make our choice, and then immediately give power to it by taking the first step toward it. There is always something we can do right away. When we act, we seal the commitment. When we act, we create momentum.

The way to make sure we stay in motion is to get ourselves in motion right away. When the reason for our decision is still fresh in our mind, give power to that decision by acting on it.

It is good to reflect upon thankful thoughts. It is even better to continually put thankfulness into action. The way to be truly and fully thankful for what we have is to put it to use. Abundance produces more abundance when it is exercised.

Life's great and wonderful blessings are not for hoarding. They are for living. What is important is not how much or how little we have. What is important is what you do with it. We won't find richness in the objects of our desire. True richness comes in the living, dynamic expression and fulfillment of those desires.

Be genuinely thankful for our good fortune by applying that good fortune in an authentic, purposeful direction. Make good use of life's goodness, and there is no limit to how valuable it can grow.

Forget about what should or should not be, and just let ourselves be as we are. Let go of the need to need. Feel the reality that you already have enough, and that it is truly magnificent. Do not worry about what will be or what won't be. See and feel the limitless beauty of what it is. Taste the eternal freshness of now. Live fully the boundless miracle of existence.

What we authentically feel now, we feel it always. This moment is the most valuable opportunity we have ever known. Live in joy now. And carry more joy forward as each moment passes.

Always remind ourselves…Now is the time to act; Now is the time to live; Now is the moment of truth; Now is when we can make a difference; Now is when we can bring our intentions to life. In this moment we can choose to step forward. And when this day is over, we will already have made important progress. Everything we need to take that first step is available to us now. It is now up to us to make use of the opportunity. There is no limit to what we can accomplish when we put our effort and commitment into it. Now is the time to make the commitment and start the effort.

We all have a dream, a vision of how a truly fulfilling life can be. Now is the time to make it real.

Keep telling ourselves that it is now, and this ‘now’ makes the difference. Even though you may have experienced an overwhelming amount of disappointment in the past, the past is over and gone. Perhaps you've failed again and again but ‘Now’ it is different. That was then and this is now. Now you have the opportunity to move forward. Now you can do what you've never been able to do before. Now you can follow through on the things you've been unable or unwilling to do in the past. Now is your moment to live. Now is the time to act. Now is when you can truly make a difference. Stand up, step forward and live a winning life. This is the moment you can choose to make everything new. Right now.

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Making Difficult Decision (Nov 29, 2009)

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Have you ever noticed how beautiful life is? Look around with thankful and loving eyes and you will notice it. Are you aware how great a difference we can make to the world? Move forward with sincerity and positive purpose, and we will be astonished by what we can accomplish. Do you know all the good things you are capable of achieving? Make use of this very moment to find it out. In fact, the possibilities of finding joy and fulfillment are all around us. Explore them fully now.

We can start with what we have got right at where we are. No matter where we are or whatever circumstances we are in, we can get from where we are to where we want to be! It does not matter who we are or what we are doing. The most important thing is to start NOW.

It is impossible to make progress in our life if we continue to allow ourselves to be held back by decisions we made in the past. We are constantly evolving, growing and maturing in our journey towards our destiny. We must not let cultural, religious or social conditioning cause us to stay on a relationship or continue with an activity, be it business or recreational, that no longer serves our purposes. In fact, that relationship or activity is detrimental to our long-range aspirations and goals.

We can engage one valuable exercise which is called Zero Based Thinking. I learned this method from a book by Brian Tracy. I have used this method in my own life with profound results. Life should be one long journey of learning and Zero based thinking is a great way to speed up that learning process at time when we have to make difficult decisions. The Zero-based Thinking technique is terrific for really focusing on the key issues.

Ask yourself the following question, “Knowing what I know now, would I have gotten involved in this relationship, this career, and this project, etc?”If the answer is “No!” then get out of that situation as quickly as possible. That is Zero-Based Thinking. It is useful and powerful.

When we apply Zero-based Thinking, one important point we must remember is we must be absolutely honest with ourselves. If we are unhappy, we must tell ourselves that we are unhappy. We will not get the results if we try to be positive with our feelings when in actual fact they are not. Our mind will use whatever power it has to keep us in our comfort zone, even if it means staying in a working relationship that is not working and in all likelihood will never work. We have to understand that the fear of admitting one’s mistakes is just human nature. Human beings have a serious tendency to fall in love with their decisions even when it is totally obvious to others that those decisions are wrong. In practicing Zero-based Thinking, we must be brutally honest with ourselves on every aspect of our life.

We must learn to say: I WAS WRONG. According to management research, 70 % of our decisions will turn out to be wrong in the fullness of time. The sooner we realize that we are on the wrong road and admit it, the sooner we will turn back and the faster we will get to our destination of business growth and high profitability.

We must be willing to say these words” I MADE A MISTAKE. ” Face up to our mistake and move towards our desired goal…. cut loses when we realize that we are going in the wrong direction.

We must learn to say” I changed my mind.” Always be willing to change our mind in the face of new knowledge or information that challenges old ideas or the established way of doing things. The faster we change our mind and get back to doing what works, the less stress we will have and the more effective we will be.

Imagine if one of our team members is unreliable, performs his job poorly and won't communicate his progress to management despite many requests for updates. We have a difficult employment decision to make. Should we consider firing him? So when we apply Zero-based Thinking to a decision we ask ourselves:

"Knowing what I know now, would I still recruit him?"

If our answer is "No", then it is a pretty clear indication that it is time for the parting of the ways. We cannot employ staff that we would not re-employ.

I have a friend who bought a franchise business in Philippines and paid a hefty sum for it. Unfortunately it was not an exclusive business and the market had been largely tapped by existing businesses. Though relationships were established with the likely prospects, other “suspects” were just not interested.

The franchisor had poorly-developed marketing systems and offered little in lead generation but expected a monthly franchising fee to be paid incessantly. In the face of such difficult situation, my friend decided to come out with a decision by applying Zero-based Thinking. "Knowing what I know now, would I still buy this franchise business?" Again the answer was "No." The business hardly generated any cash and certainly was not providing a return worthy for the time spent or money invested. While it was a bitter pill to swallow, it was time to accept that the franchise fee was gone. The business opportunity was never there and it had been a bad decision. It would have been an even worse decision to continue wasting time on this failed franchise business and Zero-based Thinking made this clear.

In one of his audio CD, Spike Humer, an international speaker, business consultant, and growth strategist, states that there are only 4 ways to achieve real measurable success. First, STOP doing what you are doing right now that does not bring you any kind of success. Second, START doing what you are not doing right now that will bring you real success. Third, do LESS of what you are doing right now that doesn't bring you any kind of success. Fourth, do MORE of what you are doing right now that brings you real success.

I would say that most people prefer the third and fourth ways. It is easier for any person to start doing more or less of any thing he/she has been doing than to start doing something new or stop doing something old.

Thus in addition to the Zero-Based Thinking question, it will be very helpful for people to ask themselves, A. What are the things I need to do LESS in order to achieve MORE success? B. What are the things I need to do MORE in order to achieve MORE success? Yet the elite will ask: A. What do I need to START doing right now that will bring myself more and more success? B. What do I need to STOP doing right now to bring myself more and more success? I prefer to belong to the elite. What about you?

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Success Through Mentoring (Nov 22, 2009)

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My friend, Li Ming, is a very successful businessman from Xi An in Western China. Once, I asked him for his secret of success in life. He told me that to succeed we must find a mentor. “Mentors play an important part in my success. A single conversation with a wise man can be very inspirational and lead to new ideas.” he said. Li Ming believes that we must learn from others instead of wasting our time reinventing the wheel. Some people may appear as innovators, but often than not, they are applying an old proven idea with a slightly different twist. In fact they are merely “standing on the shoulders of giants” by using the understanding gained by major thinkers who have gone before in order to make intellectual progress.

We will never live long enough to discover everything ourselves. Learning from successful people is the shortest route to success. Professor Xu KeCheng, another mentor of mine, gave the same advice. Richard Carswell, author and speaker, mentioned in one of his books that he always learns and emulates others who are the best of all. According to him, this principle is easily traced in areas like music. The 1950’s idol, Buddy Holly, emulated some of the style and music of the legendary Bluesman Muddy Waters, who was influenced by the vocal phrasing and guitar style of Robert Johnson, the icon of American blues musicians. Later, the Rolling Stones copied the style and music of Buddy Holly and named themselves after Muddy Waters’ 1950’s song "Rollin' Stone".

I do believe that if we want to go ahead and embark on unexplored paths to attain our goals, we must be prepared to spend more time, money and endure more frustrations. On the other hand, if we are looking to significantly improve the odds in attaining our goals, then take the straight and shortest path by finding a role model and learning from him.

There is a statement by Robert G. Allen which I find meaningful and would like to share it with you.

I attract successful mentors.
When I am ready, they suddenly appear.
My mentors offer to mentor me and guide me to the success I desire.
My Mentor enjoys sharing with me their most important success secrets.
I feel confident in asking my mentor for advice.
My mentors intuitively know how to help me make the most important breakthroughs.
I am able to glean from the relationship with my mentors exactly what I need to launch me toward the goal that I seek.
My mentors enjoy the relationship with me.
It is exciting to be with individuals who possess the truth that I am seeking.
My mentors willingly share, encourage, and coach me to experience and express my full genius, abilities, talents and resources.
They see more in me than I see myself.
Their gentle, sequential guidance makes all the difference to my accomplishments.
My mentors know to bring out the best in me.
I study them up close and personal – if possible.
I cheerfully apprentice and pay my dues to my “masters,” as they did with their “masters”.
I read, study, and apply all that they have written and that they recommend.
I meet all my mentor’s friends. Colleagues, and loved ones and make them part of my ever-growing million-dollar Rolodex.
My life is made infinitely more meaningful with a mentor-teacher who wants to be in service to my greater growth and development.
I catch my mentor’s passion for life and living fully and richly.
I realize no one has ever achieved greatness who did not have mentors.
I am willing to have great and inspiring mentors throughout my life.
I am learning from my mentors how to be a mentor myself.
I am prepared to mentor others when the opportunity presents itself.
By Robert G. Allen

Robert G. Allen (born May 20, 1948, in Raymond, Alberta) is a Canadian-American financial writer whose real-estate investment and other popular financial books have appeared on the New York Times Best Seller list.

Every successful person has a mentor. Mentoring is a powerful and useful form of leverage. Drawing from our mentor’s experience is the quickest, safest, and easiest way to climb the Millionaire Mountain. Mentors are found everywhere. Any individual we meet can “accidentally” teach us something to advance our cause. Mentors are not necessarily people. Anything that causes us to change our course in life like a life threatening disease, losing a job, a book, or an encounter with an animal – can serve as a mentor. A seminar leader can change our life. We must constantly seek out mentoring relationships. When we find ourselves lacking a certain attitude, awareness, skill, habit, technique or strategy, seek the help of a mentor to show us the shortcut to attaining it.

All world-class achievers have mentors and so must we. They all know the significance of standing on the shoulders of giants. Successful people like Earl Nightingale was mentored by Napoleon Hill, Woody Gurthrie acts as a mentor to Christina Aguilera, President Bill Clinton had President John F. Kennedy as his mentor and Jim Rohn is Tony Robbins’ mentor.

The best place to look for a mentor, however, is right in front of us. Look around us at work; is there an individual whom we admire and respect; someone who has always impressed us with his insight and perceptiveness? Your mentor may be your boss or your boss's boss. It could even be an older individual who is currently not the top executive of your firm, but one whom you know that has lots of experience. Approach that individual and ask if he would consider being your mentor. Depending on the individual, and your current relationship with him or her, your proposal will vary in the amount of details and how it is delivered. At the very least, let him know why you have chosen him and what you hope to learn from the association. If appropriate, you can also discuss the amount of time to be committed and what you will contribute. Don't put off the idea of choosing a mentor. What can you lose? Even if he declines to be your mentor, he will be flattered that you have asked.

Remember, it is not necessary to meet or talk to our mentors person-to-person in order to receive the benefits from them. Many of my personal mentors are no longer in this world! Successful people always help other people. Learn to Ask, Ask, And Ask! Wise people do as what Jesus Christ said in the New Testament “Seek and you shall find, knock and the door shall be open”. It was Buddha who said,” When the student is ready the teacher appears!” We must understand that everybody can mentor somebody and that everybody gets inspired. Have you gotten yourself a mentor? If you haven’t, start now!

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Why We Should Forgive (Nov 8, 2009)

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I believe that all of us have been hurt one way or another by the actions or words of others; our friends gossiped about us, our mother criticized our parenting skills, our boss does not appreciate us even though we have tried our best and the disobedience of our children etc. The wounds resulted can leave us with lasting feelings of anger, bitterness, resentment and even vengeance.

So why should we forgive those who have hurt us? I asked my mentor, Master Huang Yuan Chen the question in a seminar that I attended in 1993. He replied that we can choose not to forgive; to forgive or not is our choice. However, if we want to live our life to the fullest, if we truly want to live an extraordinary life of our own dreams, and if we desire to achieve our goals and make a difference in this world, forgiveness is necessary.

Forgiveness can be defined in different ways. In general, forgiveness is a decision to let go of resentment, bitterness, anger and thoughts of revenge. It is the act of untying ourselves from thoughts and feelings that bind us to the offences committed against us. Forgiveness can lead to understanding, empathy and compassion for those who hurt us.

Forgiveness is a commitment to a process of change. It can be difficult and it may take time. Everyone approaches forgiveness differently. One important step is to recognize the value of forgiveness and its importance in our lives at a given time. Another crucial step is to reflect on the facts of the situation and how we have reacted, and how this combination has affected our lives, our health and our well-being. Then, as we are ready, we can proactively choose to forgive the one who has offended us. In this way, we move away from our role as a victim and release the control and power the offending person and situation have had in our lives.

Forgiveness also means that we change the old patterns of beliefs and actions that are driven by our bitterness. As we let go of grudges, we'll no longer define our lives by how we've been hurt, and we may even find compassion and understanding.

Researchers have recently become interested in studying the effects of being unforgiving and forgiving. Evidence is mounting that holding onto grudges and bitterness results in long-term health problems.

Forgiveness research is a relatively new and uncharted field. Prior to 1985, only a handful of studies on forgiveness had been done. During the next fourteen years, less than sixty studies were done. Nevertheless, social scientists have begun to quantify the power of forgiveness in a variety of arenas.

In January 2, 1998, ABC News reported that "studies show that letting go of anger and resentment can reduce the severity of heart disease and, in some cases, even prolong the lives of cancer patients." A study by the University of Montgomery suggests that there is a positive link between attitude towards revenge and criminal behavior. Criminality might be related , at least in male, to the attitudes one holds about revenge and forgiveness which might play a positive role in reducing vengeful responses to perceived transgression that lead to criminal acts.

While I was flying back from Rome, Italy April 2008, I read an article and came across a sentence which read “Forgiveness does not change the past; however it does enhance your future.” I totally agree with this statement.

The negative emotion of guilt manifests as a feeling of unworthiness, destructive criticism, a lack of love, and a feeling of inadequateness and undeserving. People who have guilty feelings often feel that they are unworthy of all the good things life has to offer. Even when things are going well with them, deep down they feel it cannot last. Un-forgiveness predisposes a person for failure. Raised with the feeling that they do not deserve to have good things happen to them, they manifest self sabotaging behavior.

Holding grudges and remaining angry towards people who have hurt us is the major cause of psychosomatic illness. Our anger and antagonism rob us and our life of energy, facilitate illness, and sabotage our efforts to prosper and achieve our goals in life.

For decades, forgiveness generally was discussed in biblical or theological terms, but slowly and surely, the notion that the act of forgiving can be healing for an individual has begun infiltrating into psychology. Like prayer and mediation, forgiveness has turned out to be good medicine. Anger and pain is the price we pay for holding onto grudges. The medical profession is beginning to recognize that holding onto past grievances with hostility as the predisposing cause for many diseases such as heart disease and cancer.

Some people can spend countless hours dwelling on the wrongs done to them, the injustices, the slight, the snubs, insults, hostilities and bad treatment. Top Popoola, a minister and author wrote “Bitterness and an unforgiving spirit can be likened to us taking poison and expecting that someone else would die from the effect. Forgiveness is about setting the prisoner in our heart free only to discover that all along, we had been the real prisoner.” Wow, this is a great saying.

There are three persons in our life that we need to forgive to free our self from the toxic emotions of guilt, inferiority, unworthiness, bitterness and anger. When we let these people go and ditch the past we will feel lighter and will experience a feeling of relief and joy. Then our life will open up to us in a wonderful new way that we cannot even imagine or comprehend.
The first person we have to forgive is our parents. I realize that in family there are no crimes too great beyond forgiveness. We can and we must forgive our parents for every conceived injustice and every act of unkindness. We can rise above the situation and let them go. We have to realize that our parents did their very best for us within the level of knowledge they had at the time. Why should we blame them for anything? We have to remember that by blaming our parents or anybody will draw our attention to the past and prevent us from reaching our goals in life.

The second person we have to forgive is everyone else, every single person that has hurt or betrayed us in any way. The refusal to forgive just one person is enough to seriously undermine or even destroy our opportunities for future success. We do not have to like that person. We simply have to forgive him. If someone has caused us pain, if a lover has broken our heart, if a best friend has betrayed us, forgive them for they have no idea how much they have hurt us. I believe if they really knew how much it hurt you or how long we would hold onto the pain, they would never have done it in the first place. If we do not forgive them, the hurt and wounds they have inflicted on us will get bigger and bigger.

The third person and perhaps the most important and difficult person to forgive is ourselves. Forgiving ourselves is the greatest gift we could ever give to ourselves. We must choose to forgive ourselves for every foolish and hurtful thing we have done. We must learn to recognize that in spite of it all, we manage to survive and that we have developed greater strength and stronger character and compassion as a result of our past painful and hurtful experience. No matter how regretful we are over what we have done, we must not torture ourselves with guilt. Remember that we are not perfect; we have done our best to do whatever we can.

If we want to realize our potential, to develop our full capabilities and to liberate our emotional and spiritual well being and if we genuinely desire to be joyful, healthy, and be completely free from toxic emotions, we must refuse to pay over and over again for the same unpleasant experiences. We absolutely must forgive everyone who has hurt us in any way. We must let go of it and walk away from these negative emotions that will only haunt us. Let go the past, forgive and move forward for joy and happiness.

How do we let go and forgive? There are many methods we can use. One of the methods I used to practise is through imagination. I imagine the person that has hurt me is standing right in front of me. I walk closer to him or her and give him or her a hug. I go on to say, “I forgive you. Let us begin our journey with joyful relationship.”

Forgiveness and especially self-forgiveness is the greatest gift we could possibly give ourselves. It is the most difficult trick in the whole bag of human relations.

Discover for yourself how this process will break through the prison of our own self-imposed limitations allowing us to achieve our goals and enrich our life. Forgiveness is the key to happiness!

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Fill Our Life by Doing More in Less Time (Nov 1, 2009)

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Have you ever wondered where the time has gone? In fact, it has not gone anywhere. Time never stops; as soon as one moment is over, another one begins. The problem is that we have not made full use of it. Fortunately, that is a situation we can change right now.

We can learn to get more done in less time. To realize this, we have to become great at time management skills. No matter how disorganized our life had been in the past, no matter how much we had procrastinated and no matter how much we had majored in the minors, we can master the essential skills required to get more done in less time. We can become one of the most effective, efficient and result-driven people around. With good time management many people have gone from confusion to clarity in achieving their goals and from distraction to total focus on what they are doing. This we can we achieve.

Robin Sharma, an internationally-acclaimed writer and an expert on leadership and personality development, says, “Time slips through our hands like grains of sand, never to return again. Those who use time wisely are rewarded with rich, productive and satisfying lives.”

Psychologists generally agree that sense of control is the key to feeling of confidence, power and personal well-being. For us to break the upper limits of our capabilities and achieve all we want in life, we must simply get more done in less time.

If a successful life were a coin, on the front side of it would be our ability to set clear, specific and worthy goals for ourselves. On the flipside of the same coin would be our ability to get ourselves sufficiently motivated and organized to work on our top-priority tasks all day long. We are where we are and what we are precisely because of the choices and decisions that we have made up to this point in our life. Our best thinking gets us right where we are today, nothing more, nothing less.

Most importantly, do not waste another minute regretting at all the time we had wasted in the past. Resolve, at this moment, to put the time we now have to meaningful and rewarding use. Fill our time with actions, love, meaning, purpose, richness and life. To get more done in less time, we must be absolutely clear and specific as to our desired outcome. We will begin to master our time as soon as we begin to focus all our energy on our top priorities, tasks and goals and reduce or eliminate the time we spend on low- value activities that contribute little value to our life.

Most people do not know where they are going and how to get there. They do not have written goals. They have had no idea on what they want to accomplish in life. We must be specific and clear about our goals and objectives in life and focus all our energy on them. Many people try to do too many things but never really become great at anything; they are “jack of all trades but master of none”. Alas, many people who have developed a clear objective often lose sight of it because they are easily side-tracked. As Zig Ziglar says, “most people are wandering generalities rather than meaningful specifics.”

The fact is that most people do not manage their time well. However, in life, we can only accomplish more in less time by being self-disciplined. We can get more done in less time with proper planning and by making better choices and decisions that will enhance the quality of our life.

I normally like to make a to-do list, listing down all the tasks and activities to be accomplished. This to-do list becomes my basic tool for personal management and it is the key to getting more done in less time. It is essential to have a list of long-term, medium-term and short-term goals. I do daily, weekly and monthly plan in advance and list out every step for each task that we want to complete, and finally organize that list in sequence of priority. I usually start my planning on Sunday before the work week begins, and it is always on the night before a new day starts.

Mr. Wilson Lim, my mentor from Taiwan, says that when we make a list of all the activities we must do the following day, our sub-conscious mind will have the opportunity to work on that list all night long while we are sleeping. When we wake up in the morning we will awaken with great ideas, awareness and insights which will facilitate the accomplishment of the tasks on our list. By doing this, we will activate the so called Law of attraction; we will attract into our life the right people, opportunities and resources that we need to accomplish our tasks that are crucial in achieving our goals in the most efficient and effective way.

Based on researches done, less than 3% of people have clear, concise and written goals and they are usually the most successful people in their respective fields. Less than 2% of people rewrite and review their goals on a regular basis- usually at the end of the year. Highly successful people are not necessarily more intelligent than ordinary people. The great difference is that successful people spend their time on high value result-driven activities and unsuccessful people are always working on tasks or spending time on activities of little or no value at all.

In life, it is good and wise to always remember that we can either work to accomplish our own goals or we can work to help accomplish the goals of someone else. A good example is when we are working for others, we help them achieve their goals and at the same time we also achieve our own goals.

The things that matter most must never be at the mercy of the things that matter least. One of the best single words in getting more done in less time is the word NO. Say “No” to any request for our time that will not utilize our time most productively or meaningfully. The numbers of hours in a day is fixed, but the quantity and quality of work done every hour vary. Time is our most precious resource. We are solely responsible for the time we have. The more quality time we have, the more empowered and productive we become. Do not waste our time on trivial matters.

In order to enrich our lives by doing more in less time, we must learn to commit ourselves to becoming better and better at the few tasks that we do that account for most of our results. We can learn to delegate, outsource, and eliminate all those tasks and activities that contribute very little to our results and rewards. The key to high productivity and performance is the sensation of enthusiasm and heightened self-esteem that we experience each time we complete a significant task. This will energize and make us stronger and motivate us to move forward and achieve more in less time!

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The Goal Ahead (Oct 25, 2009)

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If our current challenges seemed insurmountable, look ahead toward where we are going. Keep ourselves focused on the goal at the end of the road, and we'll find the strength to move steadily down that road.

There is no secret in achieving success in life. The very first step is to define what we want in life and proceed to achieve it. I believe in planning. All the successes of our life depend very much on the combination of plan, direction and belief.

When we have no concrete goals, life just seems to pass by without a ripple. During this phase of our lives we may be feeling somewhat free, yet empty at the same time. Once we start setting up clear, defined and passionate goals, we will likewise come to acknowledge that we – and we alone – are now fully responsible for our life.

Many of us dream about where we want to go, but we do not have a map to get there. We do not have clear, precise, written down objectives backed up by a clear and concise plan to get there. Goal is just like a map that we can rely on to show us direction to our destination.

Imagine this, your car is packed and you are ready to do your first ever Cross-China trip. It is the dream of your lifetime. The trip will take you from Beijing in the north to Xishuangbanna in the south of Yunnan province, from the surrealistic landscape of Guilin to the Dalai Lama’s palace in Tibet and then up through Xin Jiang.

You get into the car, engage the gear, press on the accelerator and off you go. The first stop is at the ancient caves and Buddha Statue near Datong about 5 hours drive west of Beijing. After shooting several photos with your new Canon D5 Digital Camera and a good night’s sleep you are off the next morning at sunrise. A little while into the morning you need to check the map because you have reached an intersection and you are uncertain which way you should go. You search frantically for it and then realize that you have forgotten to bring the map along. At this point of time you try to convince yourself that you can reach your destination because you know where you want to go. By following your instinct, you may decide to take a right turn or a left turn or go straight. Needless to say you will never reach your destination this way.

I believe majority of people would treat goal setting the same way. We dream about where we want to go, but we do not have a map to guide us to get there. We do not have clear, precise, written objectives backed up by a clear and concise plan.

So what is the difference between a dream or a wish and a goal? A wish or a dream is vague, fuzzy and an in-descript mental pictures of something. It is a fantasy, a someday I will but that some day will rarely arrive!

Setting goals however is more than simply scribbling down ideas on a piece of paper. It needs to be complete and precise much like a map, in writing and backed by a specific detailed plan of action. Goal setting and planning can be fun and easy. It may look difficult but not necessarily so. The answer to the question: “How do we eat an elephant?” is simply “One piece at a time!” We can break down the plan into simple and manageable steps which are easier to achieve. In fact we may find that writing goals down will give us some results.

In order to make goal setting a pleasure rather than a pain, it helps to try taking some outrageous but fun risks. Move out of our comfort zone and apply some proven techniques, you will be surprised that you can attain the desired results with considerably less efforts.

We must first understand that goal setting should not mean hard work; it should mean enjoying ourselves as we turn our vision into realty. Getting what we really want should create enthusiasm and energy, not resistance and negativity.

If we find ourselves faced with goal setting resistance, make a self examination to make sure that we really want the goal. Sometimes, the best approach is the willingness to make another approach. Give ourselves some options. Don't become so focused on the process that we fail to reach the goal. If what we're doing is not working, have the honesty and confidence to re-evaluate and adjust our approach.

I always use a journal to keep track of my goals journey. We may keep daily or weekly records of our progress including affirmations, successes, appreciations for our hard work, rewards, resistances, obstacles, etc. There are a number of paper products and digital media for keeping these records such as notebooks, planners or professional goal tracking software. Develop consistent habits of writing down our thoughts and goal progress. They will propel us forward at a faster pace. Use color pens and have fun! There are many ways we can put our goals on our computer. Scan an inspirational poster or picture into our computer, convert it to a bitmap and use it as wallpaper. We can create a screensaver with our scanned images or just put up a digital “post it” with our goals list. Try sending ourselves an encouraging email. We can also create our own custom posters, personal stickers and printouts using a graphics program.

Often in life, the comfort zone we are in can work against our desire to reach our goals because it holds us in place instead of pushing us forward. Our comfort zone is what makes up most of our life, all the things are familiar to us and we already know how to do them well with all the habits and reliable experiences we’re used to having. To avoid the tendency to stay within our comfort zone, we need to be conscious of our actions and thoughts.

Learn to be honest with ourselves about our progress and whether the goal is still appropriate. If it is, does it need any changes? Are we following through and taking consistent actions? Have the courage to admit our blind spots and be humble. Sometimes we may need to change a belief or habit.

Goals fall into varying time periods such as immediate goals, 30 day goals, 6 month goals, 1 year goals, 5-years, 10-years or longer. Make sure we can accomplish what we want within the time frame we have set.

Learn to practise the3 “R’s” - Review, Reevaluate, and Rewrite. We review our goals regularly and write the steps for the day on your “to do list”. Reevaluate and rewrite our main goals every three to six months. Because things change, we may find that what we wanted a few months ago is not exactly what we want now. Be sure to reevaluate sub-goals, steps and strategies.

In order for us to have effective goal statements, we can learn to use motivating language. To get ourselves passionate, committed and motivated, add emotional language to our written goals. Here’s an example “I absolutely love and am excited about my beautiful new home in the hills” which is much more passionate than “I like my new home in the hills”. We can learn to say it as if it’s already happened. When writing our goal, say it like it has already happened. Put our goals in words and picture that we already have achieved them. For example, “I now have new black E200 Mercedes Benz.” Write specifically and in details, because our sub consciousness manifests things literally, we must write specific detailed goals. Use language that is clear in describing exactly what we want. Write in positive terms rather than negative ones. Examples of positive statements might be: “I am now free of the habit of smoking”, or “I am now a smoke free person”. Negative examples might be: “I don’t smoke anymore” or “I’m not a smoker”.

We start with what we have got right where we are. We must believe that, no matter where and what our current set of situation is, we can reach where we want to be from where we are! In a magazine that I read, the late great Earle Nightingale said,” your problem is to bridge the gap between where we are now and the goals we intent to reach.” It is totally true that the future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. A statement quoted by Martin Luther King Jr., “Take the first step in faith. You do not have to see the whole staircase. Just take the first step.”

People with clear, specific goals backed by clear and specific action plans, and who know exactly where they are going are among the elites on this planet. They are clearly different from the masses who drift aimlessly through life as if their destiny is pre-planned and they can only hope that things will work out for them.

Always remember, we are never too old or too young, too rich or too poor, to direct the energy of our life toward a compelling objective. Life is about making a difference, and that’s something we can do no matter what our circumstances may be. There is somewhere we truly wish to go, something that we sincerely desire to achieve right at this very moment. Take the time to find it out, commit ourselves to it, and make the efforts to make it happen!

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Don't Waste Our Life Believing (Oct 18, 2009)

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The words we think and say affect our mind. If we want to be successful, we need to learn to get the phrase “I can’t” out of our mind. The phrase can disempower us. You will be amazed by the amount of negativity that is expressed in this phrase. Individuals constantly expressing “I can’t” become tagged and labeled with a negative attitude.

In one of the seminars I attended in 2003, the trainer used a technique called kinesiology to test people’s muscle strength as they said different phrases. I was called to the stage and asked to stretch my left hand to my left side. The trainer pushed down my left hand to see what my normal strength was. Then I was asked to say out loud something that I believed I could not do, such as “I can’t fly”; I did as I was told. My trainer then pushed down my left hand again. I could feel that I was weaker. However, when I was asked to say,” I can do it,” my hand became stronger.

Paul R. Scheele, Chairman, Learning Strategies Corporation, a person who has facilitated the realization in millions of live to achieve extraordinary results in works, money, relationship and health, said “the phrase “I can’t” is the most powerful force of negation in the human psyche. Therefore, it is important for us to remove “I can’t” from our vocabulary before we can achieve great success in life.”

In 2007, I attended a Psychological course conducted in Kuala Lumpur; we were taught swallow flames. All the course participants were fearful at the thought to swallow flames; we worried that we would burn our mouth and we believed that there was no way we could do it.

Our coach asked us to write down all the “I can’t” that we had such as “I can’t find the perfect game I like”, “I can’t be rich and wealthy” and so on. Then we were led to form a mental picture whereby all the “I can’t” that we had were burnt and went out in flames. Few hours later, 200 over of us queued up to take turn to swallow flames. All of us went through the challenge without anybody getting burnt. That night, we learned that just like the belief that we couldn’t swallow flames without burning our mouth was deception, all limiting beliefs about our abilities were merely deceptions.

Statistics have shown that beliefs in us are more important than knowledge, training, or schooling; 20% of America’s millionaires never studied in college; 21 out of the 222 Americans listed as billionaires in 2003 never got their college diplomas; 2 never even finished high school!

Ralph Lauren, a famous fashion designer, grew up in the Bronx and worked after school to earn money to buy stylish suits. Ralph Lauren went to the City College of New York studying business, but dropped out after two years. After a stint in the Army, he worked for Brooks Brothers as a salesman and created the label Polo, then a necktie business. Ralph never attended fashion school but this did him no damage. He’s now worth $3.6 billion and that’s a lot of neckties.

Another real life example is Li Ka-Shing, Hong Kong self-made billionaire and the Asia’s richest man. He is also the richest Chinese in the world. Forbes ranked him as the 10th richest man in the world. When he was 12 years old, Li and his family fled to Hong Kong when Japan invaded China. When he was 15, Li’s father died and he was forced to drop out of high school to support his family. Li started as a salesman selling watches at his uncle’s store. He soon proved to be a diligent worker; he worked 16 hour days, visited customers during the day and worked at the factory at night. Determined to better himself, Li even found a tutor to teach him English every night.

When he was 21, Li opened a plastic manufacturing company and grew his business by selling high quality plastic flowers. When Li was 30, he got into real estate because he couldn’t renew the lease of his factory and was forced to purchase and develop a site himself. From there, Li diversified into electronics, telecommunications, retails, ports, power and electricity. Li is also noted for his philanthropy. He has donated millions to various universities and disaster-relief.

Of the hundreds of successful people I have met, almost all of them shared that though they were not necessarily gifted or talented in their respective fields, they chose to believe that all things were possible. They learned, studied and practiced; they worked harder than others and that was how they got to where they are now. They turned thoughts into reality by learning the skills and taking actions.

If a college dropout could become a billionaire, we can accomplish anything if we strongly believe that it is possible. When we realize that some great people are college dropouts, we must learn to see that we can start from anywhere and create a successful life for ourselves.

I strongly believe if we are going to be successful in life, we must first learn to have the right attitude and never tell ourselves that we can’t. Check that “I can’t” should not always be our first response. I can is the basic key word to archive success in life. As someone has said “Success comes in cans”.

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Gateway to Life's Values (Oct 11, 2009)

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Challenges are difficult to get through. Yet on the other side of challenges, there are always values. The bigger the challenge, the more values we will gain when we get through it. The more challenges we're willing to take on, the more accomplishments we will be attain. When we encounter a challenge, see that challenge as what it truly is. It is a gateway to real and lasting values.

Keep our focus on the values that lie beyond the challenge and we'll surely find a way to get through it. When we have overcome a challenge, come along with the rewards are bigger challenges. In each of those challenges is the opportunity for an even greater achievement. Walk through the gateway of challenge, and far greater things than we can ever imagine can be found on the other side.

It's a waste of time and energy to put a lot of efforts into blaming someone or determining who is at fault because the very fault is a thing of the past, and the past cannot be changed. Figuring out who is at fault will not help to improve the situation. What really matters is not who is to blame, but who is ready to take charge of moving forward.

When we become too focused on who is at fault, we can easily lose sight of the positive actions that can be taken. Once we let go of the need to find out who is to blame, we're much more likely to see the positive possibilities available to us. The thing to be concerned with is not what had happened, but what we're going to do about it. Put our focus not on what should or should not had been done, but rather on the best of what can be done now.

It is senseless in “fighting” battles that were already over. Instead, put our energy into finding and following the best path available to us. Let our thoughts be guided by the best we can do and we'll be creating a future as best as we can make it.

Most people live in a constant state of self denial. After years of just barely getting by, they finally resign themselves to just that -- barely getting by. They give up on their dreams. It is so sad. But it doesn't have to be that way. We can take control of our life and future. Look at what we're doing now. Is it getting us to where we want to be? If not, what are we going to do about it? Are we going to keep living in a state of self denial until it's too late and we finally give up our dreams completely and resign ourselves to an empty life of just getting by? Or will we take control of our life and live life to the fullest? Enjoy making a difference in the lives of others. There's nothing good for being poor, lonely and depressed, and life does not have to be that way. Successful people are people who help others the most. That is what life is all about, isn't it? With all the stress and complexity of daily life, we tend to forget that. When we stop to think about the purpose of our life, is not it about helping one another?

When we were a child, we fantasized of endless possibilities. We were happy and creative and we dreamed of big things. As we grew older we started getting into the "system." Gradually, little by little, day by day, the system began to wear us down and stripped us of our dreams and made us conform to the mediocre standard. Our dreams are still there but they're buried under a thick layer of sludge. Try reaching through all that sludge to touch our dreams again. See how it feels. Imagine for a moment that we can live our life to the fullest and be all that we ever wanted to be and do all the things we ever wanted to do. Just imagine it for a moment.
Welcome each moment, each feeling, and each experience as it comes. When we are constantly fearful of what is coming next or fight it, we will get stuck at where we are. By welcoming each moment, we begin to move forward. Even if the moment is not exactly what we want, welcome it anyway and move on.

Welcome each moment, whatever it might hold and we will surely find something of real value in it. There is always a way to move forward, whatever the circumstances may be. Instead of being weighed down with worry, anger or resentment, let us concentrate our energy doing things that we can do. Rather than being imprisoned by the shortcomings of a particular moment, set ourselves free to live its positive value.

Every moment has its problems, but so what? Welcome them anyway but do not dwell on the problems; before we realize, we have already moved past them. Welcome each moment for the positive aspects it has to offer, and by so doing we'll begin to transform those possibilities into reality. There is a vast storehouse of values within us that is waiting to be unlocked. Every now and then we catch a glimpse of it, and even those brief encounters can truly amaze us. How do we tap into that extensive reservoir of richness in our life? We connect with it by letting go of all the superficial distractions and petty pursuits under which it is buried.

When we focus on things that have no lasting meaning or purpose, we distance ourselves from the true joy we are entitled to. When we pin our hopes on shallow, fleeting sensations, we cover up the beautiful things that can bring us life true joy. Isn't it time to start living with fulfillment and purpose? Haven't we grown weary of running and hiding from the real joy that we know can be ours?

Our life has an immense and unique value. We can choose to make that value even greater. It is overflowing with possibilities. We can choose to expand those possibilities even more. We can choose to transform them into grand achievements that set the stage for greater opportunities.

There is much you have to work with. There is no limit to what you can do as long as you are alive, able to think, to dream, to plan, to act, to learn and adapt, to create and to grow. And deep within it all is a purpose, a meaning, a passion that we are driven to express and fulfill.

Aren't we tired of struggling to pretend to be someone we're not? It's time to live the real WE and enjoy the rich and authentic life that is ours to experience. Cast all those angers, distractions, fears, frustrations and annoyances that come from chasing the empty trinkets the world has tricked us into seeking. Let’s go and unlock the real and lasting values that we know has always lived within us.

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