Coping With Positive Cancer Diagnosis (Oct 4, 2009)
“I was completely gripped by fear when I was told that I had cancer. My mind went blank totally; there was no other thought except that of the diagnosis.” said Mr. Arthur Lim, a cancer survivor from Malaysia. “It is normal to get upset and depressed over the positive cancer diagnosis. However, I wish to tell people diagnosed with cancer that it is always good to talk to others about your illness in order to deal with all the emotional problems you may encounter.” he continued.
When we are informed we have cancer, the diagnosis will greatly affect us, our family and friends. Suddenly our future seems bleak and full of uncertainties. We are worried, scared and angry over all the unwanted changes to our life that come with the diagnosis. We are confused and shocked. This is especially true the first time our doctor reveals to us that we have cancer. It is common for people to shut down mentally once they hear the words "You have cancer."
However, we must understand that once we are confirmed to have cancer, it does not necessarily mean that we have been handed down a death sentence. Cancer can strike anybody around us. We will need the support of our family, friends and community as we decide on the type of medic care we will take and how to go through the treatment process. We can join hands with other cancer patients to fight against cancer. We can search for information, share the findings, knowledge and experience, and develop an “action plan” to treat our illness. It has been found that people with cancer who actively participate in their fight for recovery along with their physicians and healthcare professionals will improve the quality of their lives and enhance their recovery.
At present the causes of most cancers are unknown. Some cancers are known to be hereditary. This means if a family member develops cancer, others in the family will have a higher possibility of developing it, too. It is not the question of unfairness that one has cancer. In fact no one "deserves" to have it. A positive cancer diagnosis is hard to accept. When we find out we have cancer, our personal beliefs and experiences will affect how we are going to accept the diagnosis and how to face and manage the disease. In the face of cancer, we may have a closer look at our religious beliefs, our personal and family values, and what we hold most dearly in life. Accepting the diagnosis and figuring out how cancer can fit into our life is very challenging indeed.
After we have been diagnosed with cancer, we may have different emotional feelings such as shock, fear, anxiety, guilt, sadness, grief, depression and anger. We may have some or all of these feelings and different people will handle them in a different way. The first emotion may be shock because no one is ever prepared to hear that they have cancer. It is normal for people with cancer to wonder why it has happened to them and they may think that life has treated them unfairly. They may not be willing to believe the diagnosis, especially if they do not feel sick at all.
We may feel guilty that we had not noticed the symptoms earlier; we would ask ourselves what we had done wrong that brought about cancer to ourselves. We may wonder whether we had exposed ourselves to something at home or at work that led to cancer. We may worry that other members of the family may also get cancer.
We may feel hopeless or sad if we view cancer as a stumbling block to a life of good health and happiness. It is difficult for a cancer patient to feel positive and upbeat, especially when the future is full of uncertainties. The unceasing thoughts on treatment and how life would be shortened by the disease seem too much to handle. Feelings of sadness or uncertainty can be made worse by our experiences with cancer.
We may have a sense of loss associated with the cancer diagnosis and treatment. Cancer can change our sense of self; it can change how we think of our body, of ourselves and of our future. Grief is a normal response as we have to give up what we normally practice and begin to develop ways to cope with the new, unwanted changes in our life. It may take time for us to accept these losses and changes. Sharing our feeling of grief with those who are very closed to us helps greatly.
We may feel angry. Some people may not express their anger and frustration outwardly while others may direct their anger toward family members, friends, or health care professionals. This is usually not done on purpose. When we try to vent our anger on others, let them know that we are not angry with them and that we do not blame them for our disease. We do not expect others to solve our problems--we just want others to listen.
We may be afraid. While some people fear cancer itself, others may be afraid of cancer treatments and wonder how they will get through them. Fear of pain and suffering is one of the greatest fears people with cancer and their loved ones have.
Based on our experience in providing cancer care, knowledge is the best prescription in coping with emotion problems caused by cancer. Knowledge can help lessen fear of the unknown. There is often a great fear of the unknown and uncertainty about what is going to happen. We can learn a lot about the type of cancer that we have, its treatment, and the chances for recovery.
Be our own advocate. Even though people facing cancer cannot change the diagnosis, they can search for reliable and up-to-date information and talk to family members, friends, and their health care team. It is important to work through their feelings about cancer because how they feel can affect how they look at themselves, how they view life, and the decisions they make about treatment.
When we feel stressed or overwhelmed by choices, take a moment to clear our mind, breathe, and make one decision at a time. Begin by getting the information and resources that we need for the next phase of our treatment plan. Avoid projecting the worst-case scenarios for the future. Take one positive step at a time towards tomorrow.
Learn to open up to our family and friends about how they can support us. Often people want to help, but they do not know how to. Offer them specific examples, such as driving us to appointments or preparing meals. Bring with us a family member or friend to medical appointments to help taking notes, remembering instructions and discussing what we have heard from the doctors afterward.
Ask for clarification of terms we do not understand. Ask to see x-rays or scans to get a better picture of our status. If we find we cannot develop a good relationship with our doctor, consider finding another one. Also, always ask for a second opinion on our diagnosis and treatment plan. Stay involved with friends and family members but do give ourselves opportunities to spend time alone when we need it.
Develop a plan with our doctors and care providers that will give us as much control over our life as we can realistically handle. This plan should coordinate medical and psychosocial care to support us in managing our illness and health with the much needed emotional, mental and spiritual support.
Express our feelings, both positive and negative by talking to our doctors, caregivers, and friends. Another good way to vent our frustration or fears is through physical activity like walking or yoga.
Ask our doctors for resources to address any depression or anxiety that we may experience. This is normal and we do not have to suffer from depression and anxiety.
Cancer is stressful. It helps to learn how to trigger a relaxation response in times of stress. The relaxation response is a calm, controlled physical state that may enhance the function of our immune system for a period of time by reducing stress. Consider joining a relaxation or meditation program in our community or engage in activities such as walking, reading and listening to music to enable us to relax.
The National Association of Cancer Survivorship (NCCS) states that we are a cancer survivor from the moment of diagnosis. There are millions of people for whom cancer is a distant memory. Use positive terms, like wellness, hope, and control to counteract any feelings of passivity, pessimism, or guilt. Don’t blame ourselves. Focus on what we can do and control in our life now. Cancer is not an automatic death sentence and the treatments have changed dramatically over the past years. Hope is always there.
We may find a sense of comfort in communicating with others who share our experiences, either in person, online, or on the telephone. Ask our doctors, nurses, social workers or counselors for suggestions.
We must learn to maintain a spirit of hope. Many people have survived cancer, and we can, too. Draw on our spiritual beliefs, cultural customs, and family connections. Talk with other survivors to learn from their experiences. Hope is a motivating factor in our recovery. A positive perspective will help us handle any challenges that lie ahead.
To a large extent, we determine our quality of life. Maintaining a positive and realistic attitude, cooperating with and trusting our health care professionals, and learning about our disease and treatment will help us to thrive on our battle against cancer and not just a cancer survivor.
Remember that cancer may become a part of our life. We may have cancer but it does not conquer us! Coping with cancer is difficult at best. Cancer is life threatening but there is always hope.
When we are informed we have cancer, the diagnosis will greatly affect us, our family and friends. Suddenly our future seems bleak and full of uncertainties. We are worried, scared and angry over all the unwanted changes to our life that come with the diagnosis. We are confused and shocked. This is especially true the first time our doctor reveals to us that we have cancer. It is common for people to shut down mentally once they hear the words "You have cancer."
However, we must understand that once we are confirmed to have cancer, it does not necessarily mean that we have been handed down a death sentence. Cancer can strike anybody around us. We will need the support of our family, friends and community as we decide on the type of medic care we will take and how to go through the treatment process. We can join hands with other cancer patients to fight against cancer. We can search for information, share the findings, knowledge and experience, and develop an “action plan” to treat our illness. It has been found that people with cancer who actively participate in their fight for recovery along with their physicians and healthcare professionals will improve the quality of their lives and enhance their recovery.
At present the causes of most cancers are unknown. Some cancers are known to be hereditary. This means if a family member develops cancer, others in the family will have a higher possibility of developing it, too. It is not the question of unfairness that one has cancer. In fact no one "deserves" to have it. A positive cancer diagnosis is hard to accept. When we find out we have cancer, our personal beliefs and experiences will affect how we are going to accept the diagnosis and how to face and manage the disease. In the face of cancer, we may have a closer look at our religious beliefs, our personal and family values, and what we hold most dearly in life. Accepting the diagnosis and figuring out how cancer can fit into our life is very challenging indeed.
After we have been diagnosed with cancer, we may have different emotional feelings such as shock, fear, anxiety, guilt, sadness, grief, depression and anger. We may have some or all of these feelings and different people will handle them in a different way. The first emotion may be shock because no one is ever prepared to hear that they have cancer. It is normal for people with cancer to wonder why it has happened to them and they may think that life has treated them unfairly. They may not be willing to believe the diagnosis, especially if they do not feel sick at all.
We may feel guilty that we had not noticed the symptoms earlier; we would ask ourselves what we had done wrong that brought about cancer to ourselves. We may wonder whether we had exposed ourselves to something at home or at work that led to cancer. We may worry that other members of the family may also get cancer.
We may feel hopeless or sad if we view cancer as a stumbling block to a life of good health and happiness. It is difficult for a cancer patient to feel positive and upbeat, especially when the future is full of uncertainties. The unceasing thoughts on treatment and how life would be shortened by the disease seem too much to handle. Feelings of sadness or uncertainty can be made worse by our experiences with cancer.
We may have a sense of loss associated with the cancer diagnosis and treatment. Cancer can change our sense of self; it can change how we think of our body, of ourselves and of our future. Grief is a normal response as we have to give up what we normally practice and begin to develop ways to cope with the new, unwanted changes in our life. It may take time for us to accept these losses and changes. Sharing our feeling of grief with those who are very closed to us helps greatly.
We may feel angry. Some people may not express their anger and frustration outwardly while others may direct their anger toward family members, friends, or health care professionals. This is usually not done on purpose. When we try to vent our anger on others, let them know that we are not angry with them and that we do not blame them for our disease. We do not expect others to solve our problems--we just want others to listen.
We may be afraid. While some people fear cancer itself, others may be afraid of cancer treatments and wonder how they will get through them. Fear of pain and suffering is one of the greatest fears people with cancer and their loved ones have.
Based on our experience in providing cancer care, knowledge is the best prescription in coping with emotion problems caused by cancer. Knowledge can help lessen fear of the unknown. There is often a great fear of the unknown and uncertainty about what is going to happen. We can learn a lot about the type of cancer that we have, its treatment, and the chances for recovery.
Be our own advocate. Even though people facing cancer cannot change the diagnosis, they can search for reliable and up-to-date information and talk to family members, friends, and their health care team. It is important to work through their feelings about cancer because how they feel can affect how they look at themselves, how they view life, and the decisions they make about treatment.
When we feel stressed or overwhelmed by choices, take a moment to clear our mind, breathe, and make one decision at a time. Begin by getting the information and resources that we need for the next phase of our treatment plan. Avoid projecting the worst-case scenarios for the future. Take one positive step at a time towards tomorrow.
Learn to open up to our family and friends about how they can support us. Often people want to help, but they do not know how to. Offer them specific examples, such as driving us to appointments or preparing meals. Bring with us a family member or friend to medical appointments to help taking notes, remembering instructions and discussing what we have heard from the doctors afterward.
Ask for clarification of terms we do not understand. Ask to see x-rays or scans to get a better picture of our status. If we find we cannot develop a good relationship with our doctor, consider finding another one. Also, always ask for a second opinion on our diagnosis and treatment plan. Stay involved with friends and family members but do give ourselves opportunities to spend time alone when we need it.
Develop a plan with our doctors and care providers that will give us as much control over our life as we can realistically handle. This plan should coordinate medical and psychosocial care to support us in managing our illness and health with the much needed emotional, mental and spiritual support.
Express our feelings, both positive and negative by talking to our doctors, caregivers, and friends. Another good way to vent our frustration or fears is through physical activity like walking or yoga.
Ask our doctors for resources to address any depression or anxiety that we may experience. This is normal and we do not have to suffer from depression and anxiety.
Cancer is stressful. It helps to learn how to trigger a relaxation response in times of stress. The relaxation response is a calm, controlled physical state that may enhance the function of our immune system for a period of time by reducing stress. Consider joining a relaxation or meditation program in our community or engage in activities such as walking, reading and listening to music to enable us to relax.
The National Association of Cancer Survivorship (NCCS) states that we are a cancer survivor from the moment of diagnosis. There are millions of people for whom cancer is a distant memory. Use positive terms, like wellness, hope, and control to counteract any feelings of passivity, pessimism, or guilt. Don’t blame ourselves. Focus on what we can do and control in our life now. Cancer is not an automatic death sentence and the treatments have changed dramatically over the past years. Hope is always there.
We may find a sense of comfort in communicating with others who share our experiences, either in person, online, or on the telephone. Ask our doctors, nurses, social workers or counselors for suggestions.
We must learn to maintain a spirit of hope. Many people have survived cancer, and we can, too. Draw on our spiritual beliefs, cultural customs, and family connections. Talk with other survivors to learn from their experiences. Hope is a motivating factor in our recovery. A positive perspective will help us handle any challenges that lie ahead.
To a large extent, we determine our quality of life. Maintaining a positive and realistic attitude, cooperating with and trusting our health care professionals, and learning about our disease and treatment will help us to thrive on our battle against cancer and not just a cancer survivor.
Remember that cancer may become a part of our life. We may have cancer but it does not conquer us! Coping with cancer is difficult at best. Cancer is life threatening but there is always hope.
