Shift Gear (Jan 17, 2010)
I remember a few years ago while driving, I was thinking about the recurring theme, event and lesson of life in my daily life. It seemed that each week, there was some kind of thread of commonality that was manifested and recognizable among my clients, colleagues, my child, my family and my life.
The theme, event or life lesson that has been coming up over and over again is “shift” or “change”. We shift gears, we shift our seats, we change our speed when we are in fear, and we adjust our speed when we face uncertainty. We look shifty when we make mistake; at one time or another, we are all “shifters”. We adjust when there is a threat. There are times when we are so stuck in our own reality, mindset, and routine that we need someone to remind us – “Hi! it is time to shift now or you are going nowhere!”
Over the course of our lives, we create mental templates for ourselves. Some of us are “go-getters” while others describe themselves as “followers.” Whatever adjectives we use to describe ourselves, they create little mental templates that we use to form our belief systems and basically, the mindset on how we think and of ourselves and our opinions of others.
Nevertheless, at time when we are faced with a bump in the road or a brick in the wall, how do we overcome these mental templates that we may not have the tools to change the way we think or tackle a new obstacle? This is the time to revamp our internal engines and switch gears as to what we believe, think and feel.
For instance, let’s say we lose our job. We all know too well how much this will affect our lives, family, finances, self esteem and relationships. We try and try to find out the reasons for losing our job but to no avail. To put it bluntly, our situation stinks and we need to deal with it urgently. However, the key to move forward depends on HOW we think about our situation. Another scenario is we have lost a family member. We have to accept the fact that he or she is no longer with us and that we have to adjust our emotion accordingly. We should realize that no matter how loud we cry, he or she can never return. Instead of being sad and hurt, we must learn to shift our gear, adjust our thoughts, accept what has happened and move forward.
We must acknowledge that life is a one-way journey. We are where we are and there is no return. If we do not love the way our life has turned out, we need to stop doing the same things that we have been doing all this while. If our emotion can affect us or affect other people around us, we need to change our feeling and thinking.
There are a few things that we can do to initiate the shift. We can create peace with our past, accept what has happened instead of going against it, and remain hopeful. Tell ourselves: I may have lost my job but at least I have skills to get another job. We can dream about the future: Maybe I can get that teaching job I have always wanted instead of being stuck doing financial stuff which I dislike very much. It is hurtful to lose our beloved brother or sister. However, if we think that he or she is resting in peace now without having to go through all the pains and suffering of their sickness, we will feel better.
We may not have achieved a “physical or aesthetic goal,” but we have created a mindset on making it easier to move forward and go for those goals. For example, by shifting our belief system and reality at the present moment, we are more likely to put ourselves in a positive mindset to move ahead and achieve our heart’s desire successfully.
As for me, I use to be a novice “shifter” years ago, but now I am able to control and shift my gear or adjust my speed when I am feeling down or when things do not turn out the way I wish. I used to have a really crummy day when I found out that things did not turn out the way I wished! As for now, I can accept whatever things that happen in my life, be it happy moments or sad and sorrowful events.
When I face moment of sadness, I will keep quiet. I adjust my thought by accepting the fact. I will tell myself that everything happens for a reason and there is always a lesson attached to it. I must not miss out the chance to learn the lesson. There was an incident that I remember well; I lost my hand phone when I was in Beijing. It was left behind in the taxi that I had travelled in. The moment I realized I had lost my phone, I quickly searched for the phone contact number of the taxi driver. I located it from the printed receipt. I called him; he told me there was no phone left in his car. He had just dropped off a couple after me. I started to recall and remembered that indeed there was a couple who went into the taxi after I had come down from it. There was no chance for me to recover my phone.
I was upset but I recalled a quote from Viktor Frankl’s book “Man's Search for Meaning” which says,”When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” This shifted my thinking immediately. I told myself that luckily I did not bring my new Apple iPhone. If I had brought it with me, I could have lost the iPhone instead of the Nokia E71. I felt good after shifting my thought from negative to positive mode. I learned a lesson from the incident; I must make sure I leave nothing behind when I alight from a taxi. So, every time when I take a taxi, I will make sure to look at where I have just sat carefully to ensure that I have not left anything behind before I get out of the taxi.
So, let us remind ourselves that the next time we find negative mental templates emerging that may perpetuate the ever so popular victim mentality – shift our way of thinking. Switch gears and use that difficult time as a tool to challenge our new mindset and belief system and know that we can do anything if we set our mind to it. We may grind the gears the first time or two, but in the end, we could very well be the “emotion driver”. Remember to shift our gear!
Esther Law is a director, consultant, trainer, Past Division Governor of Toastmasters International, President for Lions Club of Kuching Host (2009-2010). Esther is also the Overseas Director of Fuda Cancer Hospital, Guangzhou, China. If you have any comments about this article you can contact her at lawleepoh@gmail.com
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