Live life through H.E.A.R.T! H= HUG (Feb 21, 2010)
HEART! What a rich word it is! What comes to your mind when you think of the word? Stop for a minute and try to answer the question. What types of feeling does it bring up in you? Could it be love, care, concern, intimacy or simply a pumping heart?
To me the word “heart” conjures out a heart that is pumping lively, a heart that is filled with joy, happiness, love and peace. I always try to live my HEART to the fullest. From the word “heart” I coined the acronym “H.E.A.R.T”, my life philosophy. Let’s see what the acronym stands for:
H – Hug yourself; Hug others
E – Encourage yourself; encourage others
A – Appreciate yourself; appreciate others
R – Reach out to yourself; reach out to others
T – Touch yourself; touch others
H.E.A.R.T has been with me for more than ten years. I find it effective in leading my life to contentment and fulfillment. I feel it is going to make my life even more meaningful if I can share it with you. I am going to talk about it in six parts. The first part is on HUG.
Let us ponder what is HUG? A hug is a form of physical touch and intimacy, not necessarily sexual. It usually involves embracing or holding another person or a group of persons with your arms to show that you like, love or value them. Hug is one of the most common human signs of affection, love and care. It is a form of physical intimacy; it is practiced publicly and privately in many countries without any stigma, irrespective of religions and cultures,. It is practiced within families and also across age and gender lines.
I like to hug people; to me hug is an exchange of love. A hug can be a sign of support and comfort. A hug can also be a demonstration of affection and emotional warmth arising out of joy or happiness at meeting someone. I feel good after hugging people around me; I feel extremely good after hugging cancer patients; I can see that they are filled with joy and hope after each hug.
I believe hug can help healing. Hug has been proven to have health benefits. One study has shown that hugs increase the level of oxytocin, the hormone of love, and lower blood pressure. It can eradicate bitterness and hatred. It can heal the wound between couples or between friends. It can strengthen the relationship among our friends or our workmates.
However, before hugging anybody, there is something to remember before you get yourself misunderstood. In general, we only hug when the person we want to hug has his/her arms out, He may not want to be hugged if his arms aren't out. Unless you have hugged the person before, don't hug him without asking first. In addition, use your best judgment in deciding when and where to hug someone. There are certain situations where one might be embarrassed to be seen hugging with someone else. Try to avoid a hug with a running start unless the person being hugged is aware you are about to do so; if not, this may result in both of you falling over.
I will approach and hug a person based on our relationship. Before we practice HUG, we must understand the meaning of HUG correctly; we do not simply hug a person without knowing the purpose. We have to HUG a person depending on the person’s relationship with us. Hug can be roughly divided into “Family Hug”, “Friend Hug”, “Buddy Hugs” and “Lovers Hugs”.
Family Hugs are important in sustaining the bond among family members. Some of us may feel shy or strange when come to hug our father, mother-in-law or father-in-law. I remembered the first time I hugged my late father. That was after I had learned about hug after a seminar in Miri in 1991. I went to him and hugged him and he was stunt and stiff. He did not know how to respond to me. He stood still and waited for me to finish. I went on to tell him, “I love you daddy. Thank you for giving me such a good life.” He did not say a single word but I could see that he was trying to hold back his tears. He never expected he would get a hug from me who had grown up to be an adult. This was because he had never hugged or even thought of hugging his own father or mother. I could feel that he was very happy since then; he loved my hug even though he would not tell me his feelings. My dad passed away three years ago. I managed to leave him with warm hugs. I am not living in regrets as I had ever filled his life with HUGS. If you have not hugged your family members, especially your parents or in- laws, HUG them now, hug them and hold them tightly with your arms. Trust me! It is going to be one of the happiest moments in your life.
For a “friend hug”, I will normally embrace my friend caringly, sometimes humorously. I will close my eyes and recall things that he/she has done for me. When hugging your friends, you may think about how much you love your friends. Hold him/her as hard as you feel like but never turn it into a bear hug. Try not to clap him/her on the shoulders; some friends may think that signifies you don't like them to hug you. When I hug a male friend, I will approach him genuinely and friendlily and embrace him with a sincere hug. If you are a man and hugging your male friend, you may embrace him strongly, and clap each other on the top of the backs. If it's an emotional moment, lock in the hugging position for a brief moment and do not clap each other’s back.
When come to lover hug, I am sure that we know how to hug our lover in the most loving and natural way. I believe it does not matter who starts it; either one of you can make it just as romantic. When approaching, put our hands on our lover’s shoulders and look them in the eyes. Say how much you love and care for him/her and how much you treasure every second of the time you are with him/her. Then fall into each other and hug with all your heart.
While we are hugging a person, please do not hug him/her too tightly. The best way to judge how hard to hug is to let whoever you're hugging to indicate how they want it by how hard they hug. If they are soft, be soft; if they prefer to hug tightly, hug back the same way (but don't suffocate him/her).
Please do not let go too early, this is because a hug is a powerful way to communicate your care and love for another person and it can make one feel great and greatly improve one’s mood. If someone hugs you, he may want a long, loving hug (especially when they are upset or down), so just go along with it and hug him until he lets go or loosen his hold. If you try to end it early, it may seem awkward to both of you.
I am sure you are aware of the benefits of hugging people. However, there is something to remember before you get yourself misunderstood. Please do not confuse a friend hug with a lover hug. Things might get complicated and awkward. We only hug when the person you want to hug has his/her arms out, He may not want to be hugged if his arms aren't out. Unless you have hugged the person before, don't hug him without asking first. In addition, use your best judgment in deciding when and where to hug someone. There are certain situations where one might be embarrassed to be seen hugging with someone else. Try to avoid a hug with a running start unless the person being hugged is aware you are about to do so; if not, this may result in both of you falling over.
Since HUG is an important way of expressing love and care to one another, let us do it now. The more you hug people, the more loving you become. The more hugs being practiced in our society, the more peaceful and joyful our society will be. Imagine a world that is full of HUGS! I am sure this is a world that everyone desires.
Next week I will share with you “Hug - Part II. What is in it for you?” HUG transforms lives. HUG means acceptance, HUG means forgiveness. Let us continue to explore HUG in my next Sunday column, Touching the HEART.
Esther Law is a director, consultant, trainer, Past Division Governor of Toastmasters International, President for Lions Club of Kuching Host (2009-2010). Esther is also the Overseas Director of Fuda Cancer Hospital, Guangzhou, China. If you have any comments about this article you can contact her at lawleepoh@gmail.com
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